Doctor's Office Frustration

Well I'm really glad that pain I was having last week didn't last or I would be in big trouble. The ultrasound takes place on Thursday. I call on Friday. I hear nothing back. I call on Monday. I hear nothing back. I call on Tuesday, and I'm pissed.

Why is no one calling me back? The receptionist tries to tell me they did leave a message at 775-zzz-zzzz. Well my number is 773-zzz-zzzz. Now I know it's not an area code they are used to, because it's my cell phone where I have lived before. But when I put it on my form originally, someone entered it into the computer incorrectly, and I've been struggling with it ever since. EVERY TIME I CALL OR COME IN, I try to clear this up, but no one changes it in the computer. (I've been with them since....January? of this year. And I go in for these damn blood tests like every month.) When I went in for the ultrasound and tried to change it, I was told I would have to fill out a form to officially change it. Keep in mind that this mistake was never mine, but someone doing data entry. So I filled out the form. And they swore they changed it. AND LEFT MULTIPLE MESSAGES WITH SOMEONE IN NEVADA AND NOT WITH ME.

But that's not the best part. That's just the annoyance that is this office where they hate me. When I finally talked to a nurse I found out that no one even LOOKED at the ultrasound. The doctor just hadn't gotten around to it. Since last Thursday. So if I was languishing in pain and something needed to be done about it, too bad, no one even glanced at the ultrasound I was told to come in and have.

Urrrrrrrgh. At this point I almost want them to kick me to a specialist just so I can go to another office. This is the best office in town I'm at right now for ob/gyn, which should tell you something about my location. Anyway, the nurse said that no matter what the ultrasound said I had to come in for day 21 bloodwork, because the doctor makes his Clomid adjustments off of that (well no wonder he does, since he doesn't look at ultrasounds). Also, do they really think Clomid is going to heal me at this point? I am riding 150 mg with no results, maybe it's time to look into something else.

Feeling Better!

Nothing a little homemade eggplant parmesan won't fix (and unbelievably I have a good-for-you recipe for it that I would be happy to share). That and cuddles, lots and lots of cuddles.

No official test results yet, but I won't be surprised if they A)called back at all or B) told me something I didn't already know. I was going to try to wiggle out of doing CD21 bloodwork (because what's the point, right?) But at this point I guess I will go in anyway.

My husband passed his last CPA exam (we found out last night) so we are going out this weekend to celebrate! He doesn't want to *be* an accountant, but the credential looks nice on his resume for what he wants to do. So, yay him! :-)

Ramblings...

This is going to sound super cranky and depressing, but I need to vent it out! Skip over this one if you want to do so.

All those people who say it's not happening for a reason, even though no one has said that to me specifically other than my mother (thanks), are getting to me. Instead of just calling them stupid or whatever, as a religious purpose I see merit in God's timing. As in, maybe He doesn't want me to be pregnant right now, or ever, for some reason I do not know. And how do you deal with that? What if God just doesn't want me to be a mommy? (I mean, yes, potentially this is untrue and there are other avenues to being a mommy, but still) What if God doesn't want me to be pregnant? It's possible - who knows, I could have some rare medical problem that would kill me if I ever got pregnant, or God's just monkeying with the timing so I don't get pregnant before I'm "supposed to" be.

What I do know is that God made me this way, and he made me not ovulate. I have no idea why, but it's killing me not to be able to pull through a cycle (any cycle) like a champ. I do NOT like being on so much medication, but there's nowhere from here but up to more. And if I do that, go that far, am I just trying to veto God? What's the message there? I don't know.

Ultrasound

The unofficial word from the technician is no cysts, which was a little disturbing almost because I was in pain dagnabit and I wanted something to blame that pain on. The good news is that whatever has been troubling me is not gone but has receded to that fullness/slightly uncomfortable feeling and away from the terrible pain I was in yesterday morning that caused me to schedule the ultrasound at the nurse's request.

The bad news was that not only had I not ovulated (although I knew this part was true) but it doesn't seem like I will ovulate any time soon. Although I had "lots" of follicles, none of them were big enough to be measurable, even on day 17. So ovulation is not impending. Does this mean it won't happen at all this month? I don't know, but it surely won't happen on the alleged timetable the office wants. I think this is all the reason they need to boot me to someone else, and I'm not really sure who that will be in this area. Plus, I am bummed that 150 doesn't seem to be working its magical wonders and that 100 did, but only that one time. I am confused, and a little downtrodden about the whole thing.

Calling in the Professionals

What? No one wants to leave me health advice over the internet? :-) This place sure was jumping yesterday, but no one left any comments. That's okay.

I called the nurse, who suspects cysts and I'm having an ultrasound this afternoon. I will report back with more data points at that time.

Please tell me I'm deranged...(TMI)

I know this sounds crazy. Yesterday I felt a fullness and an uncomfortableness in my lower abdomen area, more on the left side than the right. I thought maybe I was having a Jamie Lee Curtis issue (Activi-aaa! (You know you are singing that word in your mind. If not, you do not watch enough television)). So I went to the store later last night and took some over the counter laxatives.

12 hours has now gone by and thankfully my alleged Jamie Lee issue should have abated. I was able to finally go to the restroom. But the fullness/uncomfortableness has not abated, and throughout this morning has ranged from slightly painful to moderately painful.

I guess now I will just wait and see if it's better or worse. Part of me thinks maybe it's ovulation pain, though more severe than I've ever ever had it, but my monitor still says low so I don't think that's happening right now. If not that, and not trouble going to the restroom, then what? My mind is conjuring up twisted ovaries or something else bad that will only further jeopardize my gynecological health.

(Note: I'm not really relying on the Internet at large for health advice, just wondering what you all think. I am perfectly capable of/willing to see a doctor if the pain persists or gets worse.)

Still Low

At this point (cd14, the alleged magic day for ovulators everywhere) I am still getting low readings and I am starting to long for even the fake-highs we had last time. They gave me hope that the Clomid was working (even if if made my monitor wonky) and thus we we were all moving in the right direction.

Now I'm starting to think, is it even possible that 100mg of Clomid made me O 1/2 times but 150 doesn't even allow me to have a "high" reading? That is just crazy insane and probably means my next stop is with an infertility specialist, as I'm sure my ob-gyn is as tired of these shenanigans as I am.

Monitor

Okay I admit it. The monitor is driving me crazy. After having too many highs last time around here we are on day 10 with no high in sight and I'm starting to worry. Will I get a high? Will I get a peak? How can I get a peak if I don't get a high?

Oh Clear Blue Easy - how expensive and anxiety riddled you are.

Old Wives Tales

In the past I've been pretty much blase about all the myths of things that help you get pregnant - I mean if it's not documented anywhere, can't it just be a coincidence? I prefer the charts and medicine and science way of doing things. Until this time ...

I feel like I am being pulled in a thousand different directions. Before I didn't want to do too many unusual things because they can get contradictory and useless, but now there's nothing I won't try almost. It's just an overwhelming feeling, that I don't want this cycle to be a failure because of something I *didn't* do, no matter how small.

Back in the land of the living...

In total I hiked 11.8 miles! Go me! And the mother in law and I hiked 3.5 of that by ourselves, and we felt really proud of it. It was overall a good time and we both enjoyed it, but I am glad the overt hiking part has passed.

I took my monitor on the trip to set it for day 1 and then, I thought, to use a test strip on day 6. But it didn't want a strip on day 6 and I thought, great, now it thinks my cycles are so long maybe it will never want one again. But today, day 7, it did, and it was low. Not that I think I'll ever trust a high again. I want a PEAK, baby, not a high. We'll see.

How is 150 Clomid going? The good thing about where we were hiking is that it was coooold and I usually get so hot on Clomid. Now that we're back, ugh. Also, super emotional and weepy and such but no worse than on the 100.

Welcome back, CD1

My period has shown itself, and today I will be hiking up a mountain, probably doing about six miles, on no drugs. Note to self, send husband for Aleve.

It begins again.