Ramblings...

This is going to sound super cranky and depressing, but I need to vent it out! Skip over this one if you want to do so.

All those people who say it's not happening for a reason, even though no one has said that to me specifically other than my mother (thanks), are getting to me. Instead of just calling them stupid or whatever, as a religious purpose I see merit in God's timing. As in, maybe He doesn't want me to be pregnant right now, or ever, for some reason I do not know. And how do you deal with that? What if God just doesn't want me to be a mommy? (I mean, yes, potentially this is untrue and there are other avenues to being a mommy, but still) What if God doesn't want me to be pregnant? It's possible - who knows, I could have some rare medical problem that would kill me if I ever got pregnant, or God's just monkeying with the timing so I don't get pregnant before I'm "supposed to" be.

What I do know is that God made me this way, and he made me not ovulate. I have no idea why, but it's killing me not to be able to pull through a cycle (any cycle) like a champ. I do NOT like being on so much medication, but there's nowhere from here but up to more. And if I do that, go that far, am I just trying to veto God? What's the message there? I don't know.