My marriage is just fine, you guys. I didn't mean to rant about my husband and just leave the blog alone for so long. He apologized that very night. I just haven't felt like updating because I'm trapped in the same cycle. Clearly, I have not responded to the Clomid at this point. The nurses want to induce a new period and go to 100 on the Clomid. Which, okay, but I've been holding out hope for the past few days, see that curve upwards in my chart (speaking of which, see my chart on the side of the blog! Yay for technology and me). I would have gotten dashed crosshairs if my temp had been 97.5 today. What did I get? A low 96.86. Nothing like that to bring you back to reality. So my plan on Monday is to go in and get b/w done so they can verify I am not pregnant before I take the provera and start the whole shebang all over again.
I feel sad about this, but I think (and correct me if I'm wrong long cycle/no cycle girls) it's a different kind of sad than a BFN. With that, you at least had the chance to take a pregnancy test, there was at least some hope, however slim, that *something* happened. With this? It's fast becoming May and I haven't ovulated since December, and that was when I first came off birth control. Who knows how long it's been since I actually ovulated? Not me, that's for sure. Anyway, that's all that I know from here, and it's nothing terribly exciting or blog worthy. Just depressing.
However, my husband and I are headed to New Orleans next weekend in honor of our first year anniversary. That part, I am very much looking forward to, especially now that I am sure it involves alcohol.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Venting a little about the husband
My husband is being a dumb***. Last night before we went to bed he made a comment about the kitchen. I wasn't feeling great yesterday (a bunch of distressing news and was in pain) so I didn't clean it. I still don't see how that should be my job ALL the time anyway, but whatever. So I stayed up late, after he went to bed (he didn't know I was going to do this) and I finished washing and drying some of his white shirts and cleaned the kitchen and the living room completely. I even packed his lunch for him, which I sometimes but not always do.
I went to bed super late, but still woke up when he woke up this morning. I saw him in our closet and let him know I hung up those white shirts if he wanted to wear them. He complained that they were not the right white shirts, he actually wanted these other white shirts that he was hiding in his dry cleaning basket. He then expressed sadness because he wanted to wear a certain pair of khakis that were NOT IN THE HAMPER. Dude, I do not have clothing ESP. If it is designated as dirty, then I will wash it. Otherwise.....
Surely he hasn't seen that I've cleaned up while he was sleeping, (I think) so I apologize that his other stuff isn't ready but say that I didn't know he needed it and he needs to tell me what he needs at least the night before. He then sulks around about his clothes some more. I tell him I put his lunch together in the fridge, which guarantees he will go into the kitchen. He says not a word to me until he leaves the house, when he claims he has to go right now, buthelovesmebye. Like all rushed and with no sense of love, just he says it every morning and why not today as well. No word about anything I've done, even the stuff just for him. Only complaints. And silence. All morning. I got up for this?
:-( Seriously? I know he is in a bad mood because they are not treating him right at work, but the only thing I really wanted was a thank you and a morning off from complaints.
P.S. He is totally on board with not skipping any time and just trying more and more Clomid, and he doesn't seem to understand why I have any reservations about it. However, he does think I should decide whether I want to reboot on CD 28 or wait a little longer. I am thinking about at LEAST waiting a little longer and demanding an ultrasound before I take more Clomid.
I went to bed super late, but still woke up when he woke up this morning. I saw him in our closet and let him know I hung up those white shirts if he wanted to wear them. He complained that they were not the right white shirts, he actually wanted these other white shirts that he was hiding in his dry cleaning basket. He then expressed sadness because he wanted to wear a certain pair of khakis that were NOT IN THE HAMPER. Dude, I do not have clothing ESP. If it is designated as dirty, then I will wash it. Otherwise.....
Surely he hasn't seen that I've cleaned up while he was sleeping, (I think) so I apologize that his other stuff isn't ready but say that I didn't know he needed it and he needs to tell me what he needs at least the night before. He then sulks around about his clothes some more. I tell him I put his lunch together in the fridge, which guarantees he will go into the kitchen. He says not a word to me until he leaves the house, when he claims he has to go right now, buthelovesmebye. Like all rushed and with no sense of love, just he says it every morning and why not today as well. No word about anything I've done, even the stuff just for him. Only complaints. And silence. All morning. I got up for this?
:-( Seriously? I know he is in a bad mood because they are not treating him right at work, but the only thing I really wanted was a thank you and a morning off from complaints.
P.S. He is totally on board with not skipping any time and just trying more and more Clomid, and he doesn't seem to understand why I have any reservations about it. However, he does think I should decide whether I want to reboot on CD 28 or wait a little longer. I am thinking about at LEAST waiting a little longer and demanding an ultrasound before I take more Clomid.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Bloodwork Results
I need to start doing something on this blog other than whine. I will have to dig down deep and find my funny bone. Or something.
So I went to the doctor on Monday to have my Day 21 b/w done, but it was clear as day from my chart that ovulation hadn't occurred, so I don't know what they thought they were going to find. But I went to prove that, hey, this Clomd stuff, not so much with the working.
Today is CD 24 and I called to see how the b/w went, and the nurse said I had a progesterone level of (gee now I've forgotten if she said .7 or 7, but she said it was pretty low and although they had seen women get pregnant on that and not to give up hope, it was unlikely). She also said (hee, hee, snort, chuckle) if I didn't get my period by CD 28 I should call them so we can kick start a new cycle and up the Clomid to 100 from 50. I almost passed out - does she really expect my period just to naturally float down from above in the NEXT FOUR DAYS should I not be pregnant from the magical elixir of Clomid? SERIOUSLY?
I asked how long because I wanted to know, oh how long do we ride this out for? Day 40? Day 60? Day 71 (which is how long I waited last time before taking progesterone)? And then she says Day 28, like my cycle has a teeny, tiny hope of being in the realm of normal. I may have to call back and check with the doctor on that one. Also I haven't talked to the hubs about this, we were supposedly taking a break in May, but that was based on the assumption that Clomd would do its job, my ovaries would do their jobs, and we would have at least had an all systems go signal at some point. Which we have not. Because neither the Clomid nor my ovaries are currently capable of doing their freaking jobs. Like, at all. Now when my husband looks at my chart he makes a little sad noise, like, oh, that doesn't look good at all (even though he really doesn't know what it's supposed to look like, he's always asking me what it's supposed to mean). Anyway, enough bitching about poor little me.
The good news (ha!) is that I have to have some major dental work done this summer, and it looks like that is going to happen uninhibited. I grind my teeth, like a lot, to the point that when I wake up my jaw hurts. Obviously I got a nightguard to deal with this problem, but before we caught it I ground off and broke like two molars. And they want to take my wisdom teeth out! And...you know, whatever else. I just told them to do it all while I'm on drugs and tell me about it later. Joyous!
Okay I'm searching myself for something not too depressing and not too whiny to share. Easter is coming! That's a good one. I got the hubs a little basket with a toy car and some candy and stuff he likes. Plus we are going to boil and then decorate some eggs on Saturday like little kids. I know that Jesus is the reason for the season, but I do like that bunny as well. He's more sugar oriented than even Santa, and that's good enough reason for me to like him.
So I went to the doctor on Monday to have my Day 21 b/w done, but it was clear as day from my chart that ovulation hadn't occurred, so I don't know what they thought they were going to find. But I went to prove that, hey, this Clomd stuff, not so much with the working.
Today is CD 24 and I called to see how the b/w went, and the nurse said I had a progesterone level of (gee now I've forgotten if she said .7 or 7, but she said it was pretty low and although they had seen women get pregnant on that and not to give up hope, it was unlikely). She also said (hee, hee, snort, chuckle) if I didn't get my period by CD 28 I should call them so we can kick start a new cycle and up the Clomid to 100 from 50. I almost passed out - does she really expect my period just to naturally float down from above in the NEXT FOUR DAYS should I not be pregnant from the magical elixir of Clomid? SERIOUSLY?
I asked how long because I wanted to know, oh how long do we ride this out for? Day 40? Day 60? Day 71 (which is how long I waited last time before taking progesterone)? And then she says Day 28, like my cycle has a teeny, tiny hope of being in the realm of normal. I may have to call back and check with the doctor on that one. Also I haven't talked to the hubs about this, we were supposedly taking a break in May, but that was based on the assumption that Clomd would do its job, my ovaries would do their jobs, and we would have at least had an all systems go signal at some point. Which we have not. Because neither the Clomid nor my ovaries are currently capable of doing their freaking jobs. Like, at all. Now when my husband looks at my chart he makes a little sad noise, like, oh, that doesn't look good at all (even though he really doesn't know what it's supposed to look like, he's always asking me what it's supposed to mean). Anyway, enough bitching about poor little me.
The good news (ha!) is that I have to have some major dental work done this summer, and it looks like that is going to happen uninhibited. I grind my teeth, like a lot, to the point that when I wake up my jaw hurts. Obviously I got a nightguard to deal with this problem, but before we caught it I ground off and broke like two molars. And they want to take my wisdom teeth out! And...you know, whatever else. I just told them to do it all while I'm on drugs and tell me about it later. Joyous!
Okay I'm searching myself for something not too depressing and not too whiny to share. Easter is coming! That's a good one. I got the hubs a little basket with a toy car and some candy and stuff he likes. Plus we are going to boil and then decorate some eggs on Saturday like little kids. I know that Jesus is the reason for the season, but I do like that bunny as well. He's more sugar oriented than even Santa, and that's good enough reason for me to like him.
Monday, April 6, 2009
What now?
There are lots of open circles on my chart. One one level, this bothers me, because it means I haven't been consistent as far as the time I temp. On another level, I just don't care, because even if I was the most consistent temp taker in the world, it wouldn't convince my body to ovulate. This also leads to me abandoning the prenatal vitamins in favor of my chewable vitamins. I hate swallowing pills, especially for no good reason.
I went in this morning for Day 21 bloodwork, to monitor how I'm doing on the Clomid. Well, let's see, before Clomid, not ovulating, and after Clomid, still not ovulating! Awesome. My mother would barely consider taking this drug, and I've already said yes and it's still not getting me anywhere. At this point, it's not about not being pregnant, it's about feeling like I'm just totally not able to get pregnant. Which is not the best news ever.
I don't know what the plan is anymore. I have a feeling my doctor will punt me to an RE. My husband and I were prepared to use Clomid as a back-up and stay off of it for awhile, but I'm not sure if that's a viable plan seeing as how Clomid doesn't work. (Yes, I realize the first step will be to just use more Clomid, but I do have cysts, and am not sure how good of an idea that is.)
I went in this morning for Day 21 bloodwork, to monitor how I'm doing on the Clomid. Well, let's see, before Clomid, not ovulating, and after Clomid, still not ovulating! Awesome. My mother would barely consider taking this drug, and I've already said yes and it's still not getting me anywhere. At this point, it's not about not being pregnant, it's about feeling like I'm just totally not able to get pregnant. Which is not the best news ever.
I don't know what the plan is anymore. I have a feeling my doctor will punt me to an RE. My husband and I were prepared to use Clomid as a back-up and stay off of it for awhile, but I'm not sure if that's a viable plan seeing as how Clomid doesn't work. (Yes, I realize the first step will be to just use more Clomid, but I do have cysts, and am not sure how good of an idea that is.)
Friday, April 3, 2009
Done, For Now, With Parents
His parents left this morning (but the last we saw of them was last night), aaand, it wasn't terrible. We ate, played games, watched T.V. They gave us something they owed us. It was nice. So, yay, they are gone.
I feel like I've been forcing my husband to have sex with me lately (it's been hard, with the parents, because it's much better for us to have sex in the afternoon, before he gets too tired, and yet, in the afternoon, when we get home, THERE THEY ARE.) Last night didn't, er, go so well, and it didn't get counted in the chart. We need to get back on our schedule.
Not that it matters! According to FF, my temps, and my OPKs, I have not ovulated yet, nor do I seem likely to do so in the near future. I am supposed to go get my progesterone tested on Monday, which will be Day 21, and I will, but I don't have what they are looking for. Doesn't everyone in the world at least ovulate on Clomid?
I feel like I've been forcing my husband to have sex with me lately (it's been hard, with the parents, because it's much better for us to have sex in the afternoon, before he gets too tired, and yet, in the afternoon, when we get home, THERE THEY ARE.) Last night didn't, er, go so well, and it didn't get counted in the chart. We need to get back on our schedule.
Not that it matters! According to FF, my temps, and my OPKs, I have not ovulated yet, nor do I seem likely to do so in the near future. I am supposed to go get my progesterone tested on Monday, which will be Day 21, and I will, but I don't have what they are looking for. Doesn't everyone in the world at least ovulate on Clomid?
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