On Doctors & Medication

It has been an unfortunate while since I posted, so here goes.

On 1/27 I went to the doctor. He, nicely, did not say anything about my weight and was sweet and gentle with my pelvic. All around good time. He looked at my chart and my history and decided that I could keep trying on my own, but it would be difficult for me to ovulate. If I wanted to start clomid right away, I could. At the very least, I got an rx for progesterone and directions for bloodwork and an ultrasound to see if I had any cysts. The bloodwork proved, among other things, that I was not pregnant and I could start the progesterone last Tuesday. The ultrasound showed some cysts on my left ovary (the original evil ovary was righty, so maybe its more cyclical than I thought) but not enough to cause problems. So now my husband and I faced a choice, to start clomid right away or to wait?

Also, while my doctor is great, his nurse was a little disconnected. She said I could be taking the progesterone and the clomid at the same time, which, is kind of impossible since you don't get your "period" until after you are off of progesterone and you don't take clomid till after you start the next cycle. ANYWAY. She called my husband yesterday with the lab results and said everything was normal, and we could start clomid or go straight to an infertility specialist, because they didn't deal with these kinds of things very well. I called into her today and hope I get to actually speak with her, because I'm not sure how well my husband translated what she said, but HOLY WHAT? ONE appointment with me and a one off bloodwork and an ultrasound and you have decided I am far too broken for your practice? Even though I've only been trying to conceive for this one cycle? Are you NUTS? But I digress....

Whether I stay with these people medically or not, the decision to go on clomid or not still looms. Even though we officially are not telling anyone, including family, about ttc just now, I got permission to talk to my mom about this. My grandmother took DES and gave my mom some troubles and she was going to go on clomid the cycle after she got pregnant with me, so I wanted her advice on the whole thing. I know you shouldn't just "go on clomid" but it seems to me that my main problem right now is not ovulating, and this medication ostensibly solves that problem. We could try forever to get pregnant but I don't see why we should wait a year or more of not ovulating to address the not ovulating problem. I see girls on the message boards struggle with getting their period each cycle, but they GET THEIR PERIODS after a while and START new cycles. I'm still hanging out on day 78 and the ONLY reason I have an end in sight is the progesterone. Sigh. Part of my brain is like problem, meet solution.

My mother thinks it is okay, she was scared when she was younger because of the DES problems and thought she would have like four babies on clomid. We know more about it now, and I know more about it than she did. That helps. My husband wants to try clomid now for one cycle and just see if it works (success defined by ovulation, not pregnancy), and then go off of it for a bit and try to time things out better or try some alternative methods or something. I may be interviewing for jobs in the next fall/winter area, and that complicates things a bit. This next "cycle" we'd be on track for having a baby in December and that seems like a fine time. (Although I was a Christmas Eve baby and I urgh inside about potentially doing that to my kid).

So, what do I think? I think I would like to feel less broken and this feels like an ideal way - get started on the healing process. At best, we will know that this either works or it doesn't work, and either way we can go another route. It's just five days of pills, half of what I'm taking to get my period going. But now that I'm on the progesterone I'm all hormoney and weird anyway, and I don't know how much that is influencing my decision. I feel like I'm going to do it, just to see, and I told my husband that the next step was for him to get checked out, because it's far easier for him to do that than for me to do anything else. I may get some flack for this decision, but for now it's the one I feel I have to make.