The Neverending Waiting Game

So we had the IUI - the worst part is always the getting in, once they are in they could throw a party for all I care. We had the IUI and drove to Florida (a day late!) but had a wonderful Thanksgiving except his parents think they are entitled to all points of data all the time now. My husband's dad offered to fund IVF if money was the only thing standing in our way, but I find it a little too "I now own my grandchild." Plus, we're not yet in the market for IVF.

However, during the sample giving for the IUI they tested my husband's sperm and his count was good, but his motility a bit below average - they look for like 50% mobile and he had 43%. Now he didn't exactly save up for that sample, but he's taking some more vitamins anyway and will have another test in a few months. But it didn't exactly make me optimistic for the IUI.

I refuse to take any more home pregnancy tests, so I'm waiting for a blood test on Thursday (and because it's the first blood test - I won't trust it either). However, I'm feel crampy in the way that I think my period is coming, so I'm not hoping for much. It just seems like too much of a long shot at this point.

Major Updates

I was finally allowed to trigger last night on CD 26 (next time we're going back to a higher dose of Follistim, because this is getting redonkulous as far as waiting time) and I went in this morning for the post-coital. I don't produce a lot of mucus on my own when it counts (too much at other times) and the test was abnormal - who knows if it was him or me (probably me) but they wanted us to do an IUI tomorrow morning.

Big problem - we are leaving to meet his parents in Orlando today, and he did not at all for one minute want to push it back when people are waiting on us. Since his parents already know the whole story (thanks to him) I asked if he could ask them about it and he said no. And then he started ranting to me about the doctor's office and how they could never get the timing right (hello, it's my body that controls the timing, not the doctor's office). I think we were just both in a panic that sex may not solve all our problems on this go round. Our assumption was, sex worked last time, why won't it work this time? The answer is that it might work, but this brings our chances so much higher.

A few minutes later he called back and said he would talk to his parents. Half an hour later he agreed to do the IUI tomorrow before we leave (though it involves driving to another city first and then driving to Florida). Please send good thoughts my way that this process works and we get a sticky baby who is here for the long haul.

More shots

I feel like I've been on this rollercoaster forever, but my ovaries have barely moved in the right direction. As of yesterday, I had one follicle that was 1.1 and we don't trigger until at least somebody gets up to 1.8. So they upped me to three vials of Menopur per night as opposed to two. I thought doing Menopur meant I was going to get less shots because it was going to go for less nights in the cycle. Boy howdy, was I wrong.

Conspiracy

FYI, Menopur shots hurt a heck of a lot worse than Follistim shots. I think it's the mixing that makes it a thicker shot. In any event, OUCH! It's only day 11, but on day 9 I hadn't made any progress so I'm not sure if the Menopur is actually kicking my ovaries in their stubborn little rear ends like it is supposed to be doing. I go in tomorrow for another update.

I also have a conference this weekend so I will have to do two shots by myself. I am NOT looking forward to that little number. How do I always plan to be out of town when the ball may drop at any moment for induced ovulation? It must be a conspiracy of the universe.

Back on Track

Well, I'm back to this again, shots and hope. My period started on Sunday and it was very painful, but it seems to be backing off now into regular period territory. My bloodwork and ultrasound yesterday proved me good to go, and as this is day 3 we are starting again. The doctor did not advise us to wait, and we don't really want to (especially since our deductible is paid off through the end of the year so we'd like to get in before December what we can). So there it is. Starting over, hard, but necessary.

Confirmed

I am not pregnant anymore, or at least my numbers are trending down and I will not be pregnant very soon. So this is what they call a chemical pregnancy. I will be speaking with the doctor later today about it, but I thought y'all would want to know that the blood test confirmed what we already knew.

I must retract the surprise, am now in sad mode

My dear husband suggested if I was nervous, I should take another home pregnancy test. Nothing like a little life-affirming little pink line, am I right?

Three negative pregnancy tests later, including one digital that he ran out to get since I was out, we started to get the feeling that I wouldn't be telling my parents tonight after all. (Oh my parents, are in town, but know nothing yet about our little adventure during which we thought we were pregnant for a red hot thirty seconds.) So I called and scheduled an emergency blood test.

However, I'm pretty sure it will confirm what I already know. Even though my spotting let up yesterday and this morning, I somehow knew it was too good to be true. For some reason, my body cannot contain joy and cannot work properly. I know my loss is minimal compared to others, but I will never be able to trust a pregnancy test again, blood or otherwise, and never experience joy with a pregnancy (if I am ever able to attain one) until much later.

I kind of want to crawl in a hole and die, but I have to deal with my parents and teach class and perform normal human-type functions. I'm sorry this blog is such a downer, but what did you expect with a url like evil ovary?