Back on Track

Well, I'm back to this again, shots and hope. My period started on Sunday and it was very painful, but it seems to be backing off now into regular period territory. My bloodwork and ultrasound yesterday proved me good to go, and as this is day 3 we are starting again. The doctor did not advise us to wait, and we don't really want to (especially since our deductible is paid off through the end of the year so we'd like to get in before December what we can). So there it is. Starting over, hard, but necessary.

Confirmed

I am not pregnant anymore, or at least my numbers are trending down and I will not be pregnant very soon. So this is what they call a chemical pregnancy. I will be speaking with the doctor later today about it, but I thought y'all would want to know that the blood test confirmed what we already knew.

I must retract the surprise, am now in sad mode

My dear husband suggested if I was nervous, I should take another home pregnancy test. Nothing like a little life-affirming little pink line, am I right?

Three negative pregnancy tests later, including one digital that he ran out to get since I was out, we started to get the feeling that I wouldn't be telling my parents tonight after all. (Oh my parents, are in town, but know nothing yet about our little adventure during which we thought we were pregnant for a red hot thirty seconds.) So I called and scheduled an emergency blood test.

However, I'm pretty sure it will confirm what I already know. Even though my spotting let up yesterday and this morning, I somehow knew it was too good to be true. For some reason, my body cannot contain joy and cannot work properly. I know my loss is minimal compared to others, but I will never be able to trust a pregnancy test again, blood or otherwise, and never experience joy with a pregnancy (if I am ever able to attain one) until much later.

I kind of want to crawl in a hole and die, but I have to deal with my parents and teach class and perform normal human-type functions. I'm sorry this blog is such a downer, but what did you expect with a url like evil ovary?

Blood test

Confirms that I am currently pregnant! My beta was 29.9 and I'll go in for another one in a week. I could spend that time obsessing about the relatively low number, but my husband insists I enjoy the fact that I am pregnant today, right now, right this second, and let whatever happens happen without worrying so much about it. This is why I am confident that together we will make great parents.

*Slow exhale of breath.* My parents are coming on Wednesday and I.Can't.Wait.

Oh so my husband got to see the original pregnancy test but wasn't convinced. I found out the blood test results while running errands (he was too - opposite errands) and bought a little "I love Daddy" onesie and a card for him to find when he got home. He loved it! (And thought I had been lying about not getting the results when he called earlier - but I really hadn't!) So I got to do the right away reveal and the delayed reveal. Right now I am just so darn happy.

Obsessing

So as I said previously, my husband does not believe the clear blue easy digital test, because of all of my hormone manipulation and the trigger shot (even though it was long ago by most counts). Today is 14 days past ovulation and 15 days past trigger, and ANOTHER clear blue easy said yes.

Problem is, I'm not having as much luck with the dollar store and the internet stories on false positives from clear blue are starting to freak me out. Last night I had a negative on dollar tree, but I chalked it up to not first morning urine (plus I pee a lot now during the day, so it was diluted). I was ready this morning with clear blue and dollar store part 2 (and 2 and 3 for dollar store, because I'm a paranoid freak). Clear blue was easily a yes again, and I saw the faintest of lines on the dollar store tests (one better than the other, but not by much). So now I'm obsessing until my blood test tomorrow can put me out of my misery. I thought digital tests would be easier and more reliable in my time of need. :-(

Surprise!

My husband is still in shock. He thinks with all the hormone manipulation at hand, I should wait to get excited until the blood test - but I can't wait! (He doesn't want me to fall from so high a height he says.) I actually took the test this morning just to see if I could stop with the progesterone, I was going to use a negative test as an excuse! Right now I am so happy I can hardly stand it, but am trying for my husband's sake to be a little reserved until Monday.

On Track

Right on schedule, ten days after my trigger shot I have tested it out of my system. I'm waiting until Friday to take another test. That's when they wanted to do the blood test, but I'll be out of town then so they are going to do the blood test Monday. I hate waiting (and secretly think it's kind of pointless, my body doesn't listen anyway). I have a meeting with the doctor tomorrow just to discuss things. We'll see how that goes. That's all for now.

Glucophage

So today I took a pregnancy test, just to see if the trigger was out of my system or not (no one get excited) and I was all set for it to be negative but there seems to be a faint shadow of a line. I can't believe my pee actually made a pregnancy test turn positive at all. It's sort of a miracle, even with the recent shot of HCG.

I got tested last Friday for progesterone and such, and did fasting labs. My insulin and glucose are now sufficiently out of whack for them to put me on Glucophage. I'm not terribly thrilled about this but it is a moderately normal PCOS girl step. I will not be taking the meds when not TTC I do believe. I hate, HATE swallowing pills and these Glucophage tablets are not my speed.

Also my progesterone is low (14, just like it was the only other time I apparently ovulated) so now I have to take two suppositories per day, which is a lot harder than it sounds. Taking one before bed is easy and I know it isn't going anywhere. But taking one in the morning? Makes me feel all squishy and gross.

And there you have it - no real new news other than MEDS! And no idea if I'm actually pregnant (and thus this being worth it - or not).

Fluttering

So, as you all know, we triggered on Saturday night and are doing the deed nightly to secure our timing. Will it work? There's only a 20% chance of pregnancy, but hopefully a 100% chance of actually ovulating this time.

Last night, after sex, with my hips propped up on a study pillow ( yes old wives' tale - do I care? - no) I felt a fluttering in my internal lady parts. Was I ridiculously insane to think it was indicative of anything? Almost assuredly, and even my husband thought I was a nutbar when I brought it up to him. But something was definitely going on down there, I just hope it will result in good news.

CD21 blood test this Friday even though it will technically be CD24. Alleged pregnancy test scheduled for the 19th, CD34 if I make it that long.

Trigger!

I was able to trigger last night after we MOVED across town all day. I am so tired, and today I feel like I've been kicked in the kidney, but allegedly that's to be expected. I also have a ton of appointments this week and will be doing progesterone suppositories.