Attacked by Evil Ovaries

Two little BOYS!

2011-06-30T14:58:00.000-07:00

I was just speaking to a blog reader the other day (via e-mail) about how I don't update this blog, primarily because it feels weird to be posting on something called "evil ovaries" when my ovaries were finally good to me for a change.

We are having two little healthy baby BOYS and we couldn't be more excited. The ultrasound tech guessed two boys at the NT scan at 12 weeks and it was confirmed by another scan at 16 weeks (no question) and then the anatomy scan. It's unbelievable. We've taken to decorating the nursery with monkeys (because if DH is any indication, these little bits will certainly be two little monkeys) and it's almost all put together if you don't count the closet. I need to get some more blogging-fu and figure out how to upload pictures. We have names all picked out but are keeping them a secret until they are born - less commentary from the peanut gallery (really my MIL) that way.

Nothing too scary has happened to us since the SCH nightmare of first trimester. 2nd tri was overall pretty great but as we slide into 3rd I am having horrible heartburn/reflux (even on some OTC medication) and I am soooooo tired all the time. I can't bring myself to work on lesson plans for the fall even though I KNOW I will need them when the fall comes.

I think I need a new blog that leaves this journey behind, even though it's part of me.

Clean Bill of Health

2011-03-24T14:15:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe there are people still following this blog! I am such a bad blogger. I keep meaning to start a new blog now that I'm pregnant but it hasn't happened yet. Seriously - I have not posted since my 3rd beta? I am a crazy person.

So we got heartbeats for both scoops (we've been calling our babies "two scoops" like they are in an ice cream cone) around 6 weeks. Baby B had a smaller sac for a long time (just like the baby we lost last time) and so we've been praying extra hard for "Little Scoop." But now he's measuring right on track and looking good. So grateful! "Big Scoop" has always been our star. We just saw them last at 12w4d and the heartbeats were 154/158 and they were moving around and being so cute. I have babies in my belly, can you believe it?

The most difficult part of this pregnancy so far has been the SCH (subchorionic hematoma) which has been causing bleeding (always fun). About six and a half weeks I got some bright red bleeding and proceeded to flip the f out. Ultrasound the next day showed everyone was there and everyone was fine. More bleeding every 3 to 4 days but we never had a real problem. I was put on pelvic rest (forrreeeeevver) and we just kept looking at those babies. Normally my RE releases people at 10 weeks but I'm special so I got to stay until 11.5 weeks. Didn't get to go off the progesterone shots and suppositories until 12 weeks. Then when we went to the OB for our first scan, the SCH was just gone. Like it never existed. And as of tomorrow (knock on wood) I haven't had bleeding for two consecutive weeks. Yay! A clean bill of health for both my scoops and me is nothing short of amazing. I don't know how many times I've prayed to come back from the doctor with "everything is okay" and no "but" attached - but it finally has happened.

I don't get to go back to the OB until April 18th, which seems so far away when you're used to going in every week. I just can't imagine it yet, so I'm trying to focus on overcoming the tail end of the first trimester and seeing if I can eat again. My babies need it!

Also, my family is moving in May. We already have a rental house in the new location, but I'm nervous about packing up everything and moving in the middle of this pregnancy. We'll just have to hope for the best and get some really good movers who can also pack! I'll try to keep more updates flowing. Love you guys!

Beta #3

2011-01-28T12:18:00.000-08:00

is 1000. Doubling time is 2.83 days so a little slower than last time but still well within the 2-3 day range (this is what I keep telling myself). Next week on Friday will be 6w0d and we go in for the first ultrasound. Just thinking about it makes me want to barf (hopefully a good thing). Every time that wand goes in I know I will just cringe in fear. I hope this is it, but my heart won't let me hope too much.

Beta #2

2011-01-24T12:14:00.000-08:00

We wanted at least a 350, but we got a 376! This puts our doubling time at 2.41 days, so right on track. My estrogen is 457 and my progesterone is 259, for those who want to know that as well. We go back in on Friday for beta #3 and hopefully an ultrasound the week after that. I'm hoping and praying that this is my sticky baby(ies).

Beta #1

2011-01-22T07:39:00.001-08:00

159! That's three and half times more than it was at this point last time, so my husband and I are feeling infinitely better about the pregnancy this time around. Anxiously awaiting an update on Monday.

IVF #2

2011-01-20T10:57:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that I essentially let the whole cycle pass without blogging! I have just been so scared this time that things won't work out the way we want them to work out.

I started off with the nurse wanting me to go through two backs of birth control pills and THEN starting a protocol. I told her no way, and we started the protocol on the second pack of pills (because the protocol STARTS with birth control pills). Everything was fine, but the IVF nurse messed up my calendar and when we got it fixed it had the wrong birthdate and there were many anxious calls back and forth. Then when I went in for my suppression check the office told me to go home. I started stims 12/26 and went in on Day 4 of stims - and THEN my office thought it was time for my suppression check. Luckily, nothing was wrecked and we proceded along.

Unfortunately in early January we had to go visit my inlaws about 7 hours away. Since our retreival was ultimately the 7th you can see how this was an issue. We had to coordinate with another clinic and make sure the clinics were cooperating and leave our trip two days early to make the appointment. We only got 6 eggs, and we were shocked because last time we got 8 and were expecting more with the new protocol. Of the 6, all were mature and all fertilized but 4 did really well and 2 were behind the curve.

We ended up transferring the two best blasts we had on day 5. Unfortunately, nothing made it to freeze. We were really bummed about that because IVF is such a hard process and there was no hope to do an FET instead.

Now we wait. Beta is tomorrow, 1/21. I started testing on Monday because I'm dumb and I have no self-control. Every digital I've taken (Monday and every morning since) has said, yes, I'm pregnant. But until I get the second beta number that proves this is not only going, but going well, I can't let myself get too excited about it.

Because we have two in there, we're calling them the "vanilla beans" or "two scoops" or even "Milly and Vanilla-y." I hope those little beans stick this time around, for real and for always.

Starting Over

2010-12-09T20:45:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't blogged in an extremely long time, but I've been out of it, mentally and emotionally since the D&C.

We had the D&C on November 5th. My mom actually came to stay with us that weekend as my husband and I both got the flu at the same time. The worst part of the D&C was my throat hurt, it felt like I was swallowing broken glass, and I wasn't allowed even a sip of water for six and a half hours. It was agonizing. But at the same time, the physical pain helped keep my mind of the emotional pain.

That next weekend I was supposed to go on a work thing, but my uterus started seizing up and cramping so hard we almost had to go to the hospital. Luckily some pain meds got me through the week and a half of excruciating cramps and we didn't have to go back to the hospital to do D&C part II, the redux.

After that I went straight back on birth control to clear my system. I did it for a month, and now I'm on pack number 2. I had my IVF baselines (11 follicles on each side) and on Monday I'm having an HSG and an SIS to see if my uterus is back to its normal shape so we can proceed with another round of IVF.

All I can think is, here we go again ...

It's over again.

2010-11-03T12:27:00.000-07:00

We went in today for an ultrasound and bloodwork. We are 9w6d. I have no idea how big the baby was, although the sac looked a lot bigger. There was no heartbeat. We are going in for a D&C on Friday and taking a break on doctor's orders for 6-8 weeks before we try again, if we try again.

What I regret most is telling anyone we were pregnant. We made it so much farther this time. Next time I'll keep it simple and tell our parents with a phone call and no one else until I'm showing and it's impossible to hide. If we try again. If we ever get a real success.

More for me than anyone else, here were all my numbers:
Beta #1 9/23 (44.9)
Beta #2 9/27 (63.7)
Beta #3 9/30 (102)
Beta #4 10/4 (334!)
Beta #5 10/7 (864!)
Ultrasound 10/11 (6w4d) - Heartbeat! Baby measured 6w0d but sac only 5w0d.
Ultrasound 10/18 (7w4d) - Heartbeat. Baby measured 6w4d and sac 5w4d.
Ultrasound 10/21 (8w0d) - Heartbeat. Baby measured 7w0d and sac 6w0d.
Ultrasound 10/27 (8w6d) - Heartbeat. Baby measured 8w2d and sac 6w5d.
Ultrasound 11/3 (9w6d) - No heartbeat. D&C scheduled for 11/5.

Heartbeat! But Small Sac

2010-10-12T17:15:00.001-07:00

Monday we went in (we were 6w4d) and saw a heartbeat! The baby was measuring 6w0d, which the nurse said was fine - within a week is all right. The heartbeat was good and strong. However, the sac was only measuring 5w0d.

Of course we'll go in next Monday to see if the sac and baby are growing like they should, but right now I'm worried. The nurse said we shouldn't "get excited" but that we hit a milestone with the heartbeat. Honestly, I wasn't able to get excited about the heartbeat at all because she was being so negative. I feel like everytime we get good news it has a "but" attached to it that prevents me from doing anything but worry. Ugh.

Out of beta hell?

2010-10-10T07:01:00.001-07:00

Beta #5 (3 days after Beta #4) was 864 which means the numbers doubled in 2.18 days. We are having an ultrasound on Monday because my beta should be above 1500 and we should be able to see something in there - maybe not a baby yet, but hopefully something. I can't wait to confirm it for real. :-) I hope this is my sticky baby and that we don't have any problems from the slow rising betas that are long-term.

Beta Hell

2010-10-04T13:52:00.000-07:00

I haven't been super good about posting here since I got lodged in beta hell.

Beta #1 was 44.9
Beta #2 was 63.7...4 days later. Not looking good.
Beta #3 was 102...3 days later, so rising, but not as fast as they wanted it.

I had to give myself a progesterone shot in the leg while my husband went out of town. I am never doing that again, let me tell you.

Then beta #4 (4 days after beta #3) was 334! According to beta calculator it took 2.33 days to double! My doctor says that betas under 100 tend to do wacky things but since my beta has gotten over the 100 hurdle it's been behaving appropriately (according to our test today). I talk to the doctor tomorrow, but things are at least looking up!

No real confidence yet, but something

2010-09-23T11:16:00.000-07:00

My beta was 44.9 and my estradiol was 176 and my progesterone was 127. The nurse said they were all good numbers. However, the beta still seems a bit low (the median for betabase on this far along is 101), so I can't be worry-free just yet.

Last time with the chemical pregnancy my beta on 15dpo was 29.9 and there was spotting going on. This time I have no spotting and a higher number on 14dpo. I hope that means good news, but I cannot be confident in it yet. :-(

I am not crazy!

2010-09-22T05:20:00.001-07:00

Digital confirmed with a "yes" this morning. I'm praying for my beta tomorrow and this baby/babies sticks around for a long and snuggly nine months.

Am I Crazy?

2010-09-21T15:10:00.001-07:00

Or does the full size picture of my test stick addiction appear to be giving me a slightly darker, although still impossibly light, line over time?

http://i54.tinypic.com/24g2gx5.jpg

Embryo Report

2010-09-12T07:39:00.001-07:00

All 5 of my fertilized eggs are dividing. 3 are in the 1/2/3 category of being "better" and 2 are in the 4 category of being not so good. The embryologist wouldn't give me a specific count on how many were in each of the better categories because they are still actively dividing. Grow, babies, grow! I'll see you Tuesday. :-)

Also, PIO shots may not hurt at the time, but the morning after? OUCH!

5 Alive!

2010-09-11T07:37:00.001-07:00

Of the 8 eggs that we retrieved, 7 were mature. Of those 7, 5 were fertilized with ICSI. Now I'm on pins and needles until Sunday to see how they are doing. It's so weird knowing that my babies are growing, and it's not inside of me.

Egg Retrieval

2010-09-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

Today we had our egg retrieval. Thankfully my husband was in town for this (although not for the trigger shot and I had to give that one to myself in my own thigh - ouch!) and everything went well. We retrieved 8 eggs, which is within the average of 5-12. Tomorrow we will know how many of those eggs were mature and on Sunday we will receive another report on their progress. The transfer is scheduled for Tuesday at noon.

Part of me is scared. Out of however many eggs you retrieve, only about 70% are mature. Of that number, only about 75% fertilize. And of THAT number, only about 40-50% make it to day 5. I think at best we'll still have two to transfer but I'm not holding out hope for any frosties.

Right now I'm doing my best to be zen and keep saying, as the ladies on the message board have been encouraging me to do, "eight is great"! :-)

Monitoring Blues

2010-09-06T19:03:00.000-07:00

I had to get up at 5:00 this morning and drive almost two hours to have a thirty minute appointment at the RE and then turn around and drive almost two hours back. Blargh.

My follicles are coming along nicely, even one made it to 1.8 already, but I'm not ready to trigger. I have to go back in tomorrow morning to see. I am going to do everything in my power to push the trigger to Wednesday because of nasty class scheduling business - but of course will bend to the will of the doctor.

I teach on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Everything else is flexible. If I trigger on a Tuesday and have the retrieval on a Thursday, the transfer will be the next Tuesday and I'll miss two sets of classes. I would really, really prefer not to do this, especially as early as it is in the semester and with the realization that I might have to do the whole thing over again relatively soon. I know it's a bit bratty to complain about timing like this, but I am only in class two days a week! It shouldn't be that hard to work around.

The good news is since I won't be doing the retrieval on Wednesday that my husband will be in town for it, fresh sample and all. :-) He's really been super involved in this whole process, much more so than with IUI, so he's invested in being there at the retreival. For his sake more than anything I hope it works for us this time. I caught him crying at church during a children's service last week and it just about broke my heart in two.

Expect another update tomorrow on my progress! :-)

Stimulation

2010-08-30T07:52:00.000-07:00

I started stims last night. Doing stims as an intramuscular shot as opposed to a sub-q shot (in other words, in the butt instead of in the belly) is a bit of a trip. It's a super big shot and menopur makes it burn a little bit. I don't know how I'll make it through all these stim shots and THEN all the progesterone in oil shots. Yikes. Hopefully my husband doesn't leave town during this period. I could handle belly shots all by myself (even a bit of a pro at it after a while) but I'm not sure I could properly stab myself in the thigh. :-(

This part is exciting though! We're on our way to preparing little embryos!

Last Friday I had to see a high-risk obgyn who told me (surprise!) I'm insulin resistant as a result of PCOS. I've lost almost 13 pounds in the last 6 weeks by counting calories and exercising. Now I'm almost completely restricted from exercise - lifting nothing heavier than 20 pounds and doing nothing that will potentially twist my ovaries, and then comes the 2ww. I'm still going to count calories but I fear it will be a bit harder. I want to do everything possible to provide a hospitable environment for a baby - that means going back on the evil metformin and joining a different gym with a pool for water aerobics (with all the old ladies! :-)), then that's what I'll have to do.

Lupron Attacks

2010-08-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

The side effects that I hear most girls complain about with Lupron are headaches and being in a "fog." Neither of those things have really happened to me - and with how I'm prone to get headaches and even migranes, I am extremely grateful for this. What I'm getting is uncontrollably weepy and sleepy. I have to blame it on the drugs, because I'm getting plenty of rest and have no real reason to keep crying at especially sad commercials. :-)

Also, it's a teeny tiny amount of Lupron I'm getting. We got a ton of needles and this one vial of medicine that was only partially filled. We're using insulin needles to get just ten units a day at this point, and I hardly even recognize it as medicine (except for the shot part of course, ouch!). Next Friday we go in to the doctor and sign all the paperwork and pay all the money. After that we'll start stims. I'm so scared now that school has started. I can't really afford to skip any classes on Tuesday/Thursday, so I'm hoping to push around those days if at all possible.

IVF!

2010-08-19T12:56:00.000-07:00

So worked it out with our doctor - I still have to see the high risk OB but it's not stopping our process now. I started Lupron last night and the target for egg retrival is currenty September 8th, but it will probably be a little later knowing how long it takes me to stim. Here we go on that roller coaster known as IVF!

Scheduling

2010-08-05T12:41:00.000-07:00

I can't even schedule my "high-risk" appointment yet because they have to call me to schedule it - I can't call them. So even though I was finally given the number today, it doesn't matter, because they won't schedule it until they call me to do it.

ARGH. Seriously, why does the set-up have to be so hard? And why didn't we know about this when we had lots of time as opposed to right before school starts/school is starting when I am super, duper busy? Are we even going to start IVF this month? I don't know.

And of course, on my facebook, everyone in the world is having babies. Just great. Not that I begrudge them, but every update about "post this if you love your kids" just makes me want to scream and cry.

Oh RE

2010-08-04T13:08:00.000-07:00

So we went in about a month ago to the RE to discuss IVF, but we were putting it on hold due to some funding issues. He was like, great, just stay on birth control continuously and give us a call when you are ready.

Fast forward to August. We're ready! I give them a call on Monday. I am told by a nurse to go off birth control, get baselines, then go back ON birth control, and THEN we can start. Ummm, no. What would be the purpose of baselines only to go back on birth control? She can't answer me. Only the IVF nurse has the answer. She won't be back until Wednesday. So just keep taking birth control and someone will call you Wednesday. WTF.

Finally this morning I get another call. My husband and I had talked about semen freezing in case he is out of town for a job interview or something. So we have to get some frozen BEFORE we can start anything according to the doctor. ALSO I have to have a meeting with a high-risk obgyn an hour away ... BEFORE we can start anything. Luckily, they say, it's easy to get in there. Why do I have to have this meeting? Because I have a high BMI. Now I've been doing my best to work on this, but if I had to have this meeting before starting IVF, could you not have told me a month ago? We could have had all this stuff taken care of at that point instead of waiting until now. It's just URGH GAH FRUSTRATING not to be able to just get started like we were promised.

So I called them back and said, can I have the numbers? Can I set this up? And they. still. haven't. called. me. back. It's almost like they just don't want our money.

444

2010-07-30T14:50:00.001-07:00

3 4-s just wasn't enough for the long shot miracle for which I was hoping. Sigh.

Big Guns

2010-07-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

Well I guess there should be an update of some kind at this point.

We've decided to do IVF. It was a big decision for us and we approached our parents for money (we have the money to pay for it ourselves, but are worried about our liquidity should we want to buy a house in the near future, and all the parent money would be strictly loans) and geared up.

Then my husband started the pre-interview process for this job, and if he gets it, it will provide us a $24k benefit specifically for IVF. While that is awesome and amazing, it requires that we suffer through this process and wait to start IVF. I say pre-interview, because it depends on some other people at the company making decisions before he can officially start the interview process.

In the meantime, my doctor recommends that I prepare myself for IVF and *not* pursue IUI. He (we switched doctors in the practice to one my husband likes better) could see from the surgery photos that my tubes are convoluted, and with 4 failed IUIs and 3 rest cycles in between, he just wants to keep me on perpetual birth control until we're ready to start an IVF cycle.

If only I knew when that would be...

Meanwhile, I went off birth control to have a final period before the long haul because I believe in that cleansing of my body. The weird thing is that I got a bunch of old blood, but no new blood. This is my second period since the surgery and it still isn't quite right, and now I won't have another period for awhile. I can't really decide how I feel about this.

Also we went to look at puppies again (we did this and had the IVF consulting appointment the DAY after the EDD and my best friend in the world had a little girl early - she was due 7/4 and delivered 6/25 and named her daughter the name I want for my daughter - suffice it to say I was SUPER EMOTIONAL). The puppies were super cute, and my husband wants me to have one if he has to move for this job (because I teach, I'm on a 6 month to a year delay to move behind him) so that I won't be alone.

But he had trouble, and I could TELL he was having trouble. He says he'll get over it, but I'd rather not put him in that position, you know? And it makes it harder when I really want a puppy but I have to be the one to say no. It's worse than him saying no somehow, I can't explain it.

Anyway, I can't be Debbie Downer forever. We're starting IVF and we have big hopes for that and are planning on three tries. I just hope the process gets to start sooner rather than later.

June 27th

2010-06-27T20:30:00.001-07:00

Just something to commemorate this day. I love you poppyseed and this would have been your day (well probably not, but according to the only math we had). I know there was a reason you couldn't stay, but Mommy is still very sad today without you here.

Cysts

2010-06-04T07:09:00.000-07:00

Surprise, I have more cysts. I have now had 4 IUIs and 3 cysts cycles. Something here is adding up to fml. We're blowing available time when my husband is here just resting and taking freaking birth control, which is life's cruelest irony. So I'm out for another month.

No

2010-06-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

Not pregnant, beta was less than 5 and all that jazz. Stopping progesterone tonight and we're on to IUI #5, and #2 post-surgery. I wasn't spotting until AFTER she called today, so that was a false hope. I've sort of lost hope. I'm still not sure if I want to do IVF but it's looking like I have no choice.

Trigger is Out!

2010-05-28T10:41:00.000-07:00

After the craziness that ensued last time I decided to test the trigger out, here at 7-8dpo it is officially out (one without FMU and one with), so hopefully anything positive from here on out is a good thing. My beta is on Tuesday the 1st. Waiting, waiting, it's all I ever do.

Plus it's really putting a damper on my summer plans. We'd like to travel some, this may be my husband's last chance for awhile and he loves going out west and camping. (I'm only ok with camping and require a "real" bathroom within walking distance of the tent, but I love him, so you know) And I need to be here for work, but that's more flexible in the summer as a professor. But we also need to take advantage of him being around for baby-making purposes, what if his new job won't let him guarantee to be here when I need him here? And I try not to travel when I need to be monitored, because as you've read, it's a pain and a half. We still haven't been reimbursed from the Las Vegas claims yet.

2WW

2010-05-24T08:52:00.000-07:00

This has got to be the worst part every time because I just cannot squash my hope, damn it! Every time I tell myself not to get my hopes up because, as my husband keeps reminding me, it's a 20% shot every time, it doesn't get more or less no matter how many times we do it. And the roll of the dice has not been my friend.

We triggered last Thursday and I opted to go in this week for a progesterone test even though technically I didn't *have* to - but I just want to make sure that part of everything is okay. Last time I actually was pregnant I was having a problem with my progesterone levels, so you know. Plus, blood tests are free in a world where many things are not, so you know, I've got that going for me. :-)

So I'm over here with my supplements and my new chewable prenatal vitamins (yay) watching the clock and the calendar.

Something's Happening!

2010-05-17T10:23:00.000-07:00

One little follie at 1.5 with lots of friends right behind (seriously, lots, normally my follicles don't have friends). Going in tomorrow to see how the whole posse is doing.

Surgery

2010-05-13T20:28:00.000-07:00

Seriously, do you guys hate me? I would hate me with all the lousy no-postings about anything. I'm a little depressed right now because it seems like everyone I went to college with is announcing that they are pregnant and already in the second trimester. Out of my closer circle of six girl friends - four are pregnant, one is divorced and one is still single. Two out of my three long term debate partners in college are having babies. I'm beginning to feel left out in addition to everything else. Mother's Day was rough, y'all. My pastor called attention in church to those who want to be mothers but it isn't happening right now. And no one recognizes me as a mother, possibly because I was only pregnant for like 4 days. But it still happened, right? I want to cling to that but I feel silly doing so for so many reasons.

Anyway, enough wallowing, want to hear about my surgery?

My mom came down for the surgery fun times. I went in to a hospital about an hour away. They gave me this awesome hospital gown that they connect a hose too and it funnels warm air right to your body. I need one of these at homes. They gave me something to "take the edge off" before they gave me the hard stuff and seriously, the last thing I remember is seeing my husband and mom and then I woke up. Like, I didn't even make it to the infamous count down on the gas. No memory.

They took out a polyp in my uterus (no big deal the doctor says, but why leave it in?) and found my tubes were "circuitous" and "thin-walled" but mostly okay. Then they drilled the ever loving hell out of my ovaries in the hopes that they would respond. (I am now on day 10 of the next cycle and I can tell you my ovaries are stubborn as hell and don't seem to be responding to crapton of swift kicks to their tiny, tiny asses.)

So I wake up and they are immediately shoving giner ale down my throat and crackers. All I have to do is pee and I can go home. The surgery was at 10:00 a.m. and I was out by noon. My husband even promised me a snow cone at home (my absolute favorite in all the world) and the place closed at 6:00. We all thought it was no big deal.

2:00, 4:00, 6:00 (there goes that snow cone), 8:00 ... 9:00. By this time I have had a ton of IV fluids and regular fluids and just can not pee. I would sit on the toilet and sort of feel the need in the abstract sense, but could not make myself go. I find out later they told my mom in the hall way that if I don't pee it could be life threatening. So glad I did not know that at the time.

Then they try to put a catheter in me. They say I can go home with a catheter or stay in the hospital overnight. So I wanted to try the catheter, obvs. I wanted to go home so bad. So they try to put the catheter in. I don't know what it is, but that area has always been SUPER SENSITIVE for me. And I just had surgery down there. So YOU KNOW, extreme pain. I was literally screaming and telling my husband I couldn't do it anymore. They tried putting the pediatric size in and were having trouble telling exactly where to put it. I thought he was going to drop kick one of the nurses. They get it ostensibly "in" but no pee comes out. Me thinks they did it wrong. Anyway, they decide it's so late (10:30 by this time) that I have to stay overnight anyway. And they give me some medicine to "relax" my bladder. When they wheel me up to my room (around 11) I feel like I REALLY HAVE TO GO LIKE RIGHT NOW but the catheter is actually preventing me from going. I get my nurse (Tammy on the floor, and God, do I love Tammy like no other) to take the catheter out (MUCH easier than going in) and finally pee.

Thank goodness! Only, now I have to get up like every half hour to pee (thanks medicine!) and they are measuring how much I pee (how embarassing) to make sure they don't have to put another catheter in (over my seriously dead body). I am also in a ton of pain, yay! So I was up all night. My husband and mom slept better in that hospital room than I did for sure. Also, Tammy rocked my face off with the pain medicine and the helping me pee. I even got a gold star on my door for peeing. I have never been so embarassed.

But we survived and I went home. Of course the pain medicine made it hard to go to the bathroom the other way, if you know what I mean. I ended up missing work a day because I had to go and couldn't go. Finally a suppository laxative got my mo jo going and if I never have this kind of complications with the toilet it will be too soon.

That was y'alls TMI for today. You're welcome. The surgery was April 9th and I had to be on birth control after that, had my follow up on May 6th which was pretend day 3 of this cycle (because I bled for like 2 weeks after the surgery even ON birth control so I never really got a "red flow") and I started drugs day . 225 units of follistim. Now on day 10 I have two follicles barely peeking over 1, and my nurse was kind enough to tell me that lots of girls have follicles over day 1 on their baseline day. So it doesn't look like this cycle will be any shorter. Sigh. Wonder if it will at least work...

Surgery

2010-04-18T20:06:00.001-07:00

I haven't fallen off the map, but on the 9th I had surgery - laproscopy and hysterscopy with ovarian drilling. I'm getting better but haven't been in any mood to blog or anything else. I promise to post a full update/story sometime later this week.

Confirmed

2010-03-30T13:23:00.001-07:00

Not that I needed it, as my period started today progesterone or no progesterone, along with some of the worst cramps ever - not even currently quelled with Tylenol. Ugh. At least my ring is pretty. :-)

Major Spotting

2010-03-29T05:44:00.000-07:00

Just like that, I'm spotting like nobody's business and my dream of having a baby in 2010 or before I'm 29 go up in smoke. And with my husband being laid off, who knows how long before we can even try again? Out of ten cycles, I've only had five ovulations. And I guess that the 20% worked, it just ended in a loss and I'd have to go through another five cycles to have any hope. Part of me just doesn't want to do this anymore because it is so hard, every time, no exceptions. I do not know what I will do if June comes and I am still not pregnant. I can't even think about it right now.

BFN

2010-03-28T05:00:00.001-07:00

on 10dpiui, so I suppose yesterday was all trigger or something. Trying to keep hope alive over here.

Nobody get too excited...

2010-03-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

...but I got a BFP this morning! I know it is only 9 days past my IUI and 11 past the trigger, which is extremely early and I could conceiveably still be getting trigger, but I did it anyway. My husband is going out of town over the date of our first beta and we agreed I would tell him the results in person. I don't know what possessed me to take one this morning, we had a left over FRER digital from the miscarriage adventure and I took it. I had to pee so badly this morning so I got up super early and could not wait for it to tell me no so I could go back to my warm bed instead of the cold bathroom. Instead it said yes!

I'm trying not to get too excited as I do not want a repeat of last time, but it looks like for good or for ill I'm on the HPT rollercoaster ride.

Group B Strep

2010-03-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

From what Dr. Google tells me, women are usually tested for Group B Strep in the 35-37 week of their pregnancy. I will be tested on Tuesday because my husband's semen analysis from the IUI came back positive for Group B Strep. I have gone from fervently praying to be pregnant to wondering if that is what I should be hoping for (though I know the chances of this hurting my hypothetical baby are pretty rare.)

They found "round cells" in his semen which can indicate immature sperm or white blood cells. It turns out these were white blood cells and the count was higher than they would like, so they ran a culture. It was positive for Group B Strep. So now I have to have a culture (and a pap since I'm overdue) next Tuesday in addition to my long-awaited pregnancy test (it's only 12 days after the IUI, does that seem early to anyone else?)

Ring

2010-03-22T18:47:00.000-07:00

We have been looking for an opal ring for me to commemerate Poppyseed, since opal is an October birthstone. We decided to go for an October birthstone as opposed to June (the EDD) because that's when we knew Poppyseed and loved him/her and the sum total of his/her existence. We also wanted sidestones that were blue sapphires and not diamonds because diamonds tend to wash out an opal's fire (and I just love blue sapphires). Anyway, this unique combination has been awhile in the making. We were going to get a custom made ring here in town but they wanted to charge us twice what we wanted to spend because it was a "custom" piece, so we decided not to do it (this was back in February). But when we were on vacation last week we found a great little ring and they agreed to change the diamonds for sapphires and charge us the same price. Awesome. And since they had to ship it to us out of state, we wouldn't have to pay sales tax. More awesome. (And yes, I will totally post a picture once we have said ring.)

It was going to take some time to do the custom work so we couldn't have it until Wednesday this week. Fine, no problem, we weren't in any big rush. Well I got a call today that the sapphires just weren't quite right and they would have it fixed by Friday, but because they have a policy to not ship jewelry over weekends (theft hazard) we would get the ring next Tuesday ... just in time for my first beta on this cycle.

I just can't tell whether this is a good sign or a bad sign.

IUI #3

2010-03-18T16:24:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I know you've been wondering where I am, because it took nineteen days of follistim plus menopur plus three out of town monitoring appointments (oh the nightmares) in order to be FINALLY ready to trigger and then today I had an IUI. My little main follicle was super slow, but finally got there! Now we wait, doing a progesterone test next Tuesday and a pregnancy test the Tuesday after that. I am hoping against hope for a little Easter BFP.

This time my husband has good feelings, and so do my doctor and my mother. I had excellent cervical mucus this time, which isn't something I've had before, so good on that. The only thing was at the IUI, my follicle hadn't dropped quite yet, but the technician said that it looked "fuzzy" and that this was a good thing and meant it was getting ready to drop. I will have sex the next couple of nights because I'm just too wary not to do so.

Back on Plan

2010-02-27T16:54:00.000-08:00

So no cysts when I went in, which is a good thing. My period took the full two weeks to start even though I had the shot instead of the pills - stupid body, never doing what it is supposed to be doing.

Now I am on the Follistim train again - hoping that being gone next weekend for work isn't going to put a crimp in my style. I am not looking for a monitoring place while I am gone either - they will have to let me go or suffer the consequences.

Also hoping we will do the IUI before spring break and I can just chill a bit. It's a little scary to me that if this cycle doesn't work out that we are looking at some type of surgery for me.

One of my best friends is due at the beginning of July whereas I was due at the end of June. It's sad but we don't talk much about it - it's hard to talk because she's doing missionary work in Africa but I still miss her and want to talk. I finally got a box and put the few things I had set aside for Poppyseed in there.

This post is really stream of conscious-y and I apologize.

Hamsters can get KTFU, but not me

2010-02-10T18:30:00.000-08:00

My husband can knock up hamsters! In other words although his morphology is still a little wonky, he did really well on this test. 100% of the eggs were penetrated and they look for like 14 sperm/egg but he had over 32 sperm/egg. This is great! We can do another round of injectibles.

On the other hand, surgery time for me. We've pretty much decided if I have no cysts when I go in for baseline testing we will do another round of injectibles/IUI and if that doesn't work then we'll do the surgery. If I still have major cysts, then we will go ahead and do the surgery this time around.

I know it's two posts in one day, but when stuff happens, it happens.

Surgery? IVF? I don't know.

2010-02-10T12:51:00.000-08:00

I'm just at a loss right now. I got a progesterone in oil shot on Monday to start my period, but several other things are going on.

If my cysts persist (funny wording, that) and if we want to do another IUI as opposed to IVF then the doctor wants to do a laproscopy/hysteroscopy to take a look at my insides. This is outpatient surgery but involves going all the way under and being out of commission for a few days. She says they usually do it on a Friday and then you can go back to work by next Wednesday. Well that involves me missing some classes and I have to get subs and then teach sitting down when I do come back and BLARGH to all of that. Plus we don't know if that will do us any good.

My husband also went in on Monday to do a sperm penetration assay test, or the hamster test. If that goes well, then we can do some more IUI before IVF but if it's abnormal then the doctor suggests we just skip to IVF and potentially IVF with ICSI (which I'll explain more later if I have to do so). If we are pressed into this route I won't have to have surgery but we will have to do the IVF part.

And you guys? I'm just not ready in my heart for IVF. To me that seems like the "big guns" more so than anything else and I will go there if I must but I'm not ready for it yet. Even if that means I may have to have surgery. I just wish I knew the right answer to all of this.

Rest, but no Relaxation.

2010-01-27T08:29:00.001-08:00

We're on rest! According to my nurse, this is the perfect time to get pregnant. Of course, this assumes that you ovulate or will ovulate after you've been kicking your ovaries in the behind for several months.

Unlike mine, which loooove to fake me out on the Clear Blue Monitor with HIGHS for days and days and days and then go, forget it, you are never getting a peak, we tricked you - low! It hasn't gone all the way back to low yet but it's here on Day 21 and so we are not hopeful.

It's putting me in a real bad place, this resting. There's no hope, and every friend I made at the clinic is pregnant and I just feel like I'm getting behind. It's hard not to say it will *never* happen because I feel like it never will. Part of me is just trying to prepare myself for that and part of me is just say wait, wait, wait - but I don't know for what.

It doesn't help that the first time we had sex after my pelvic rest (thanks cysts!) it hurt so bad that I was crying by the end of it. Which delayed our second start for like another 5 days. But with the monitor not peaking, what did we care? (About that part of it, we very much cared about the activity itself and things were much better for Round 2, thank God, otherwise I would never be having sex again end of story.)

I guess I just feel like resting is more like stalling and I'm not altogether happy about it.

Resting

2010-01-08T16:07:00.000-08:00

Well I went in for day 1 baselines and they found a cyst the size of godzilla had taken up residence around my right ovary. There were a few cysts, with a total of about 17 cubic centimeters of volume, but godzilla was about 4 cm wide just on her own. That means I'm out for this month in the hopes that these things will dissolve on their own. If they don't, then I have to do a month of birth control (irony) to make sure they go away.

Meanwhile for the next two weeks I'm supposed to be on pelvic rest. I do not feel that my husband appreciates this. We're on our own for this cycle, though we can still try (assuming I ovulate). The nurse said that after taking medication, people in my situation have a 6% better chance of conceiving, which in our case is a whole whopping 6%. Maybe this is exactly what my body needs, I don't know, but I find it disheartening to be put on hold. I had really strong, nice hopes for the last cycle and this just seems like an extended period of nothing that will potentially get me down.

Negative

2010-01-05T18:36:00.000-08:00

Blood test was negative, a less than 5 negative so REALLY negative. I was expecting it since I started spotting last night and a lot more spotting today. I was really sad about it last night but I'm trying to buck up since my husband is having a hard time at work and thus monopolizing all of the pitifulness available to our household.

The nurse told us we could try this next cycle "if we wanted to" but she seemed kind of blah about it. She wants me to talk to the doctor and so scheduled an appoint for February 8th. Ugh, really? I don't exactly want to SKIP A CYCLE waiting for the doctor.

On the other hand, I'm sort of over the IUI thing. When we did it ourselves we got pregnant, but the IUIs, not so much. I think maybe the timing of the IUI is off for me? We can't do it before because he's saving it up, so we blow 36 hours from trigger to insemination and then we usually don't feel like it after that. So it's a one shot deal and I'm not sure it's working for us. I think I'll talk to the nurse at least about doing back to back IUIs or doing it old school this time around. Except for the drugs. We got to have the drugs.

Down and Almost Out

2010-01-04T04:36:00.001-08:00

No spotting, but still a no according to the FRER digital test. The blood test tomorrow will confirm this for sure.

Suspense

2010-01-02T09:18:00.000-08:00

The last two cycles I have started spotting at day 11 or 12. It is now day 10 (post O obviously) and there is no spotting, and if there is no spotting still on Monday, which will be day 12, then I will use a home pregnancy test. Either way I have a blood test on Tuesday, but the suspense is KILLING ME SERIOUSLY. Or maybe that's all the inlaws. Hmmmm. This is just me, putting the world on notice.

High Progesterone

2009-12-29T18:26:00.000-08:00

So I went in to get my progesterone checked today. I was doing three a day of the old, gelcap, messy vaginal suppositories (no one ever said making a baby was a fun time .... wait ... anyway) but only doing one per day of the new tablet vaginal suppositories because it was new. I was sure, sure, sure they would say to at least up it to 2. My progesterone levels always come back as point something, like .7 or such, super low. I kept waiting and waiting for a call. (Btw if they change your meds or anything of note, they usually call you back, if it's just results, they call and leave a message on your voicemail, but it's voicemail you call in to if that makes sense). No call.

Urgh doctor's office - don't make me move to Ohio. So I called my voicemail and lo and behold, a message! My progesterone was 41 so no need to change my meds. (My insulin was fine too, so I'm staying strong at 4 Metformin per day. This is a lot for someone who chokes at the THOUGHT of pill taking). Color me flabbergasted. Now I know my body isn't producing all this progesterone on its own, after all I'm still taking the medicine. But SOMETHING is going on and I'm going to assume it's positive until I am told otherwise. Pregnancy test at the doctor's office next Tuesday: the countdown begins. (Oh and meanwhile my inlaws and their entire family are coming for fake Christmas/New Years - OH JOY!)

Waiting!

2009-12-26T20:05:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I haven't updated since early December. In my defense, my story just feels very boring lately and not worthy of blogging. (Medicine, waiting, blah, blah, blah.) We changed my medicine back to follistim again and I started a new cycle in early December after the blood test confirmed that I was not pregnant. We went to Ohio to visit my parents and coordinating monitoring in another state was a HOLY NIGHTMARE OMG, but we got it worked out and had the monitoring and the IUI for this time there - the IUI on Christmas Eve, my birthday. Hopefully that's lucky for us. Now we're back home and preparing for his whole family to come spend New Year's/Fake Christmas with us and I've got to get ready for a new semester.

My husband's sperm got EXCELLENT rating for this IUI (like eleven times the baseline quality they require - ELEVEN TIMES). So either that last test was a fluke or those fertility blend vitamins work really, really well. Also, I switched from progesterone suppository gelcaps which get icky and gross to progesterone suppository tablets which are so far okay but I am not entirely sure how I feel about them. Aren't the details of my medical life endlessly enthralling? I thought so. :-)

Confirmed Again

2009-12-03T11:58:00.000-08:00

I am not pregnant.

Spotting

2009-12-01T10:53:00.001-08:00

I'm getting a little breakthrough type spotting, very faint, but I know what it is. And I know what it tends to herald - the beginning of the end of this cycle. So much for lucky #7, how does anyone feel about lucky #8?

The Neverending Waiting Game

2009-11-30T19:47:00.000-08:00

So we had the IUI - the worst part is always the getting in, once they are in they could throw a party for all I care. We had the IUI and drove to Florida (a day late!) but had a wonderful Thanksgiving except his parents think they are entitled to all points of data all the time now. My husband's dad offered to fund IVF if money was the only thing standing in our way, but I find it a little too "I now own my grandchild." Plus, we're not yet in the market for IVF.

However, during the sample giving for the IUI they tested my husband's sperm and his count was good, but his motility a bit below average - they look for like 50% mobile and he had 43%. Now he didn't exactly save up for that sample, but he's taking some more vitamins anyway and will have another test in a few months. But it didn't exactly make me optimistic for the IUI.

I refuse to take any more home pregnancy tests, so I'm waiting for a blood test on Thursday (and because it's the first blood test - I won't trust it either). However, I'm feel crampy in the way that I think my period is coming, so I'm not hoping for much. It just seems like too much of a long shot at this point.

Major Updates

2009-11-20T08:34:00.000-08:00

I was finally allowed to trigger last night on CD 26 (next time we're going back to a higher dose of Follistim, because this is getting redonkulous as far as waiting time) and I went in this morning for the post-coital. I don't produce a lot of mucus on my own when it counts (too much at other times) and the test was abnormal - who knows if it was him or me (probably me) but they wanted us to do an IUI tomorrow morning.

Big problem - we are leaving to meet his parents in Orlando today, and he did not at all for one minute want to push it back when people are waiting on us. Since his parents already know the whole story (thanks to him) I asked if he could ask them about it and he said no. And then he started ranting to me about the doctor's office and how they could never get the timing right (hello, it's my body that controls the timing, not the doctor's office). I think we were just both in a panic that sex may not solve all our problems on this go round. Our assumption was, sex worked last time, why won't it work this time? The answer is that it might work, but this brings our chances so much higher.

A few minutes later he called back and said he would talk to his parents. Half an hour later he agreed to do the IUI tomorrow before we leave (though it involves driving to another city first and then driving to Florida). Please send good thoughts my way that this process works and we get a sticky baby who is here for the long haul.

More shots

2009-11-10T11:00:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've been on this rollercoaster forever, but my ovaries have barely moved in the right direction. As of yesterday, I had one follicle that was 1.1 and we don't trigger until at least somebody gets up to 1.8. So they upped me to three vials of Menopur per night as opposed to two. I thought doing Menopur meant I was going to get less shots because it was going to go for less nights in the cycle. Boy howdy, was I wrong.

Conspiracy

2009-11-04T08:04:00.000-08:00

FYI, Menopur shots hurt a heck of a lot worse than Follistim shots. I think it's the mixing that makes it a thicker shot. In any event, OUCH! It's only day 11, but on day 9 I hadn't made any progress so I'm not sure if the Menopur is actually kicking my ovaries in their stubborn little rear ends like it is supposed to be doing. I go in tomorrow for another update.

I also have a conference this weekend so I will have to do two shots by myself. I am NOT looking forward to that little number. How do I always plan to be out of town when the ball may drop at any moment for induced ovulation? It must be a conspiracy of the universe.

Back on Track

2009-10-27T06:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back to this again, shots and hope. My period started on Sunday and it was very painful, but it seems to be backing off now into regular period territory. My bloodwork and ultrasound yesterday proved me good to go, and as this is day 3 we are starting again. The doctor did not advise us to wait, and we don't really want to (especially since our deductible is paid off through the end of the year so we'd like to get in before December what we can). So there it is. Starting over, hard, but necessary.

Confirmed

2009-10-22T05:51:00.000-07:00

I am not pregnant anymore, or at least my numbers are trending down and I will not be pregnant very soon. So this is what they call a chemical pregnancy. I will be speaking with the doctor later today about it, but I thought y'all would want to know that the blood test confirmed what we already knew.

I must retract the surprise, am now in sad mode

2009-10-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

My dear husband suggested if I was nervous, I should take another home pregnancy test. Nothing like a little life-affirming little pink line, am I right?

Three negative pregnancy tests later, including one digital that he ran out to get since I was out, we started to get the feeling that I wouldn't be telling my parents tonight after all. (Oh my parents, are in town, but know nothing yet about our little adventure during which we thought we were pregnant for a red hot thirty seconds.) So I called and scheduled an emergency blood test.

However, I'm pretty sure it will confirm what I already know. Even though my spotting let up yesterday and this morning, I somehow knew it was too good to be true. For some reason, my body cannot contain joy and cannot work properly. I know my loss is minimal compared to others, but I will never be able to trust a pregnancy test again, blood or otherwise, and never experience joy with a pregnancy (if I am ever able to attain one) until much later.

I kind of want to crawl in a hole and die, but I have to deal with my parents and teach class and perform normal human-type functions. I'm sorry this blog is such a downer, but what did you expect with a url like evil ovary?

Blood test

2009-10-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

Confirms that I am currently pregnant! My beta was 29.9 and I'll go in for another one in a week. I could spend that time obsessing about the relatively low number, but my husband insists I enjoy the fact that I am pregnant today, right now, right this second, and let whatever happens happen without worrying so much about it. This is why I am confident that together we will make great parents.

*Slow exhale of breath.* My parents are coming on Wednesday and I.Can't.Wait.

Oh so my husband got to see the original pregnancy test but wasn't convinced. I found out the blood test results while running errands (he was too - opposite errands) and bought a little "I love Daddy" onesie and a card for him to find when he got home. He loved it! (And thought I had been lying about not getting the results when he called earlier - but I really hadn't!) So I got to do the right away reveal and the delayed reveal. Right now I am just so darn happy.

Obsessing

2009-10-18T05:57:00.000-07:00

So as I said previously, my husband does not believe the clear blue easy digital test, because of all of my hormone manipulation and the trigger shot (even though it was long ago by most counts). Today is 14 days past ovulation and 15 days past trigger, and ANOTHER clear blue easy said yes.

Problem is, I'm not having as much luck with the dollar store and the internet stories on false positives from clear blue are starting to freak me out. Last night I had a negative on dollar tree, but I chalked it up to not first morning urine (plus I pee a lot now during the day, so it was diluted). I was ready this morning with clear blue and dollar store part 2 (and 2 and 3 for dollar store, because I'm a paranoid freak). Clear blue was easily a yes again, and I saw the faintest of lines on the dollar store tests (one better than the other, but not by much). So now I'm obsessing until my blood test tomorrow can put me out of my misery. I thought digital tests would be easier and more reliable in my time of need. :-(

Surprise!

2009-10-17T08:26:00.000-07:00

My husband is still in shock. He thinks with all the hormone manipulation at hand, I should wait to get excited until the blood test - but I can't wait! (He doesn't want me to fall from so high a height he says.) I actually took the test this morning just to see if I could stop with the progesterone, I was going to use a negative test as an excuse! Right now I am so happy I can hardly stand it, but am trying for my husband's sake to be a little reserved until Monday.

On Track

2009-10-13T20:36:00.001-07:00

Right on schedule, ten days after my trigger shot I have tested it out of my system. I'm waiting until Friday to take another test. That's when they wanted to do the blood test, but I'll be out of town then so they are going to do the blood test Monday. I hate waiting (and secretly think it's kind of pointless, my body doesn't listen anyway). I have a meeting with the doctor tomorrow just to discuss things. We'll see how that goes. That's all for now.

Glucophage

2009-10-11T07:11:00.001-07:00

So today I took a pregnancy test, just to see if the trigger was out of my system or not (no one get excited) and I was all set for it to be negative but there seems to be a faint shadow of a line. I can't believe my pee actually made a pregnancy test turn positive at all. It's sort of a miracle, even with the recent shot of HCG.

I got tested last Friday for progesterone and such, and did fasting labs. My insulin and glucose are now sufficiently out of whack for them to put me on Glucophage. I'm not terribly thrilled about this but it is a moderately normal PCOS girl step. I will not be taking the meds when not TTC I do believe. I hate, HATE swallowing pills and these Glucophage tablets are not my speed.

Also my progesterone is low (14, just like it was the only other time I apparently ovulated) so now I have to take two suppositories per day, which is a lot harder than it sounds. Taking one before bed is easy and I know it isn't going anywhere. But taking one in the morning? Makes me feel all squishy and gross.

And there you have it - no real new news other than MEDS! And no idea if I'm actually pregnant (and thus this being worth it - or not).

Fluttering

2009-10-05T11:07:00.000-07:00

So, as you all know, we triggered on Saturday night and are doing the deed nightly to secure our timing. Will it work? There's only a 20% chance of pregnancy, but hopefully a 100% chance of actually ovulating this time.

Last night, after sex, with my hips propped up on a study pillow ( yes old wives' tale - do I care? - no) I felt a fluttering in my internal lady parts. Was I ridiculously insane to think it was indicative of anything? Almost assuredly, and even my husband thought I was a nutbar when I brought it up to him. But something was definitely going on down there, I just hope it will result in good news.

CD21 blood test this Friday even though it will technically be CD24. Alleged pregnancy test scheduled for the 19th, CD34 if I make it that long.

Trigger!

2009-10-04T18:33:00.000-07:00

I was able to trigger last night after we MOVED across town all day. I am so tired, and today I feel like I've been kicked in the kidney, but allegedly that's to be expected. I also have a ton of appointments this week and will be doing progesterone suppositories.

No Trigger Yet!

2009-09-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

Another appointment on Friday to monitor my little follicles who are growing ever so slowly.

Stimulating

2009-09-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

Still going strong with the follistim. Tomorrow it will be 12 days that I've taken actual drugs. They just keep dragging it out, a few days at a time. Allegedly this is because it's my first time on the drugs and because I have PCOS so we don't want to excite those crazy ovaries.

It's so weird having to schedule everything though. I'm actually praying I don't have to trigger tomorrow because my husband will be out of town and there is nothing I can do about it. We had no idea how long this would take and obviously couldn't put our lives on hold to wait. I dread to think about how much money we've spent on this cycle only to have it all for naught.

While this is going on we're renting and moving to a house and I've got some crazy work stuff as well. I'm trying to remain calm about it. How am I doing? :-)

HSG

2009-09-22T05:35:00.000-07:00

I survived! The moral of the story is my tubes are clear and my uterus looks normal, but oh boy.

So I got up super early and drove down to this other town. I was early, so I napped in my car for a bit before going in (but I missed the bottleneck of traffic that would have otherwise made me late). I saw someone from my home office there, another patient, and we chatted and it was nice. But the office didn't send over the order for my test, and the girl doing my paperwork couldn't reach the doctor on the phone. Of course, you can't, I said, he's over here doing procedures. Call the office! Apparently she could not and sent me running all over the hospital to get my own order, only to call me back when the doctor said he would do it verbally.

I was very, very scared of the going in part, but it turns out to be only slightly worse than your average pap smear. The doctor didn't think radiology would have a narrow speculum for me, but I was like, hey, if they don't we can find one, this is a HOSPITAL and I'm not doing it without one. Actually, I didn't have to be like that at all because radiology did have one. Pain, pain, pain, I was okay, then the x-ray was supposed to be the easy part. That dye made me feel like I was going to barf and then was super crampy. In fact, when I sat up afterwards the nurse asked me if I was always this pale. Sadly, the answer to that was yes.

I drove home and taught class and ran errands and everything was fine except I was getting more and more crampy and full. I took some more aleve last night and barely ate any dinner and went to bed early, and I am mostly better today, which makes me think I will be completely better tomorrow.

First Self Injection

2009-09-20T18:53:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure I would want to give the muscle shot, but I gave myself the sub-q shot today as the husband was napping (and I almost caved and woke him up, and then thought, do I really want a sleepy husband in charge of needles? I did not.) It was so easy I wasn't sure if I was even doing it right. The top of the pen sort of twists down into the shot, it doesn't plunge like regular shots do.

Anyway, I am successfully a follistim junkie. I have to get up at like 4:30 am to drive into another town to have my HSG test done tomorrow morning. My husband was going to go with me, but some of our plans later in the week now require that he not take the morning off. So...I'm going it alone. Scared to death based on the bits and pieces I've read. This is a girl who cannot do a normal pap smear, I'm so narrow they have to use the smaller equipment on me. If I survive, I'll report back.

First Injection

2009-09-18T18:52:00.001-07:00

Had my first shot tonight. Even though my husband and I went to official injection training, I still made him watch the DVD video again before we went through with it. It's...not as pleasant as swallowing a Clomid pill but not terrible. My right ovary now feels a little bloated, but I think it's all in my mind.

We are doing follistim for 6 days (cd3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8) and then I go in for testing on day 9. My nurse says they could ask me to do the trigger shot then, but that seems so early! Then I would trigger and ovulate sometime on day 9, 10, or 11. Then I follow up with progesterone capsules and wait it out.

I also have my test on Monday to see if my tubes are blocked. We had an infection (both the hubs and myself) so we're on antibiotics anyway.

That's all the news around here for the time being. More bulletins as events warrant.

The Next Step

2009-09-08T19:03:00.000-07:00

My wish was granted in that my obgyn wanted nothing to do with me anymore since I spectacularly failed to ovulate this time. They wanted me to see a specialist that comes to their practice once a month, and the earliest appointment was Nov. 16th. That was okay, right?

Yeah, I kind of wanted to see someone sooner than two and a half months from then. (I talked to them last week.) I called the place directly and they could get me in Sept. 25th, and the place my insurance suggested could see me on Sept. 8th. I decided to make both appointments and see if I liked this other place first. The Sept. 8th place is an hour from where I live, but they have an office here for monitoring purposes. The Sept. 25th place is three hours from where I live, and the office they have here for monitoring is the one I'm at which has been giving me all kinds of trouble. Yeeeeaaaah, tough choice. I had pretty much decided if this new place wasn't like, the apocalypse of bad I was going to go with them.

So I filled out all my forms and made my husband sign everything and fill out his part, and I got up at 5:00 a.m. to drive over there so I could be back for my afternoon class. Due to a terrible traffic situation, I was half an hour late, (stuck on the highway, then I went to the wrong building, then I couldn't find parking at the RIGHT building), so I was practically having a panic attack. I *hate* to be late and I was sure they would say, "Oops, you missed your window, come back three weeks from now." But they had mercy on me! They were incredibly efficient and nice and helpful, and I just fell in love with the whole office (which now I realize is so much more important than falling in love with just your doctor).

I saw the doctor, and we discussed that with the Clomid not working, the next step is injectibles. (Ovulation induction by taking shots to grow the follicles, then a shot to release them unto my uterus.) This new place has a ton of monitoring in place for that, and they are going to check out my tubes and do a post-coital test, in addition to bloodwork AND ultrasounds every step of the way. My insurance covers the monitoring and the tests (with some co-pays and hospital fees thrown in there) but not the drugs. Not one little bit. I have to call to see if I can put the drugs down for my deductible or not. My husband takes regular medication and we're constantly getting refund checks for him since he hit his deductible long ago. Me? No problems except my ovaries don't work.

ANYWAY, they did a complete physical, then I had an extra session with a nurse counselor to re-explain the treatment and walk me through it (and hook me up with pharmacy brochures) and then ANOTHER extra session with a financial counsel who already knew how my specific insurance worked. I got a progesterone in oil shot to kick start my period. Then some blood work and a urine sample and I was good to go. Everything else I get to do here, where I live, except for the dye test for my tubes.

In some ways this is a huge step. I can already tell you my husband does NOT want to inject me with drugs (or go to his injection training this Friday ... or have twins (not that he's against multiples per se, but the higher risk did startle him a bit)), however we're taking this one step at a time. All I'm capable of doing right now is seeing if the big, heavy artillery drugs will help me ovulate. Then we will see where we go from there. My husband and I are taking this medical journey together, but we are doing so one step at a time.

Doctor's Office Frustration

2009-08-26T07:48:00.000-07:00

Well I'm really glad that pain I was having last week didn't last or I would be in big trouble. The ultrasound takes place on Thursday. I call on Friday. I hear nothing back. I call on Monday. I hear nothing back. I call on Tuesday, and I'm pissed.

Why is no one calling me back? The receptionist tries to tell me they did leave a message at 775-zzz-zzzz. Well my number is 773-zzz-zzzz. Now I know it's not an area code they are used to, because it's my cell phone where I have lived before. But when I put it on my form originally, someone entered it into the computer incorrectly, and I've been struggling with it ever since. EVERY TIME I CALL OR COME IN, I try to clear this up, but no one changes it in the computer. (I've been with them since....January? of this year. And I go in for these damn blood tests like every month.) When I went in for the ultrasound and tried to change it, I was told I would have to fill out a form to officially change it. Keep in mind that this mistake was never mine, but someone doing data entry. So I filled out the form. And they swore they changed it. AND LEFT MULTIPLE MESSAGES WITH SOMEONE IN NEVADA AND NOT WITH ME.

But that's not the best part. That's just the annoyance that is this office where they hate me. When I finally talked to a nurse I found out that no one even LOOKED at the ultrasound. The doctor just hadn't gotten around to it. Since last Thursday. So if I was languishing in pain and something needed to be done about it, too bad, no one even glanced at the ultrasound I was told to come in and have.

Urrrrrrrgh. At this point I almost want them to kick me to a specialist just so I can go to another office. This is the best office in town I'm at right now for ob/gyn, which should tell you something about my location. Anyway, the nurse said that no matter what the ultrasound said I had to come in for day 21 bloodwork, because the doctor makes his Clomid adjustments off of that (well no wonder he does, since he doesn't look at ultrasounds). Also, do they really think Clomid is going to heal me at this point? I am riding 150 mg with no results, maybe it's time to look into something else.

Feeling Better!

2009-08-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

Nothing a little homemade eggplant parmesan won't fix (and unbelievably I have a good-for-you recipe for it that I would be happy to share). That and cuddles, lots and lots of cuddles.

No official test results yet, but I won't be surprised if they A)called back at all or B) told me something I didn't already know. I was going to try to wiggle out of doing CD21 bloodwork (because what's the point, right?) But at this point I guess I will go in anyway.

My husband passed his last CPA exam (we found out last night) so we are going out this weekend to celebrate! He doesn't want to *be* an accountant, but the credential looks nice on his resume for what he wants to do. So, yay him! :-)

Ramblings...

2009-08-20T11:21:00.000-07:00

This is going to sound super cranky and depressing, but I need to vent it out! Skip over this one if you want to do so.

All those people who say it's not happening for a reason, even though no one has said that to me specifically other than my mother (thanks), are getting to me. Instead of just calling them stupid or whatever, as a religious purpose I see merit in God's timing. As in, maybe He doesn't want me to be pregnant right now, or ever, for some reason I do not know. And how do you deal with that? What if God just doesn't want me to be a mommy? (I mean, yes, potentially this is untrue and there are other avenues to being a mommy, but still) What if God doesn't want me to be pregnant? It's possible - who knows, I could have some rare medical problem that would kill me if I ever got pregnant, or God's just monkeying with the timing so I don't get pregnant before I'm "supposed to" be.

What I do know is that God made me this way, and he made me not ovulate. I have no idea why, but it's killing me not to be able to pull through a cycle (any cycle) like a champ. I do NOT like being on so much medication, but there's nowhere from here but up to more. And if I do that, go that far, am I just trying to veto God? What's the message there? I don't know.

Ultrasound

2009-08-20T05:30:00.000-07:00

The unofficial word from the technician is no cysts, which was a little disturbing almost because I was in pain dagnabit and I wanted something to blame that pain on. The good news is that whatever has been troubling me is not gone but has receded to that fullness/slightly uncomfortable feeling and away from the terrible pain I was in yesterday morning that caused me to schedule the ultrasound at the nurse's request.

The bad news was that not only had I not ovulated (although I knew this part was true) but it doesn't seem like I will ovulate any time soon. Although I had "lots" of follicles, none of them were big enough to be measurable, even on day 17. So ovulation is not impending. Does this mean it won't happen at all this month? I don't know, but it surely won't happen on the alleged timetable the office wants. I think this is all the reason they need to boot me to someone else, and I'm not really sure who that will be in this area. Plus, I am bummed that 150 doesn't seem to be working its magical wonders and that 100 did, but only that one time. I am confused, and a little downtrodden about the whole thing.

Calling in the Professionals

2009-08-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

What? No one wants to leave me health advice over the internet? :-) This place sure was jumping yesterday, but no one left any comments. That's okay.

I called the nurse, who suspects cysts and I'm having an ultrasound this afternoon. I will report back with more data points at that time.

Please tell me I'm deranged...(TMI)

2009-08-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

I know this sounds crazy. Yesterday I felt a fullness and an uncomfortableness in my lower abdomen area, more on the left side than the right. I thought maybe I was having a Jamie Lee Curtis issue (Activi-aaa! (You know you are singing that word in your mind. If not, you do not watch enough television)). So I went to the store later last night and took some over the counter laxatives.

12 hours has now gone by and thankfully my alleged Jamie Lee issue should have abated. I was able to finally go to the restroom. But the fullness/uncomfortableness has not abated, and throughout this morning has ranged from slightly painful to moderately painful.

I guess now I will just wait and see if it's better or worse. Part of me thinks maybe it's ovulation pain, though more severe than I've ever ever had it, but my monitor still says low so I don't think that's happening right now. If not that, and not trouble going to the restroom, then what? My mind is conjuring up twisted ovaries or something else bad that will only further jeopardize my gynecological health.

(Note: I'm not really relying on the Internet at large for health advice, just wondering what you all think. I am perfectly capable of/willing to see a doctor if the pain persists or gets worse.)

Still Low

2009-08-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

At this point (cd14, the alleged magic day for ovulators everywhere) I am still getting low readings and I am starting to long for even the fake-highs we had last time. They gave me hope that the Clomid was working (even if if made my monitor wonky) and thus we we were all moving in the right direction.

Now I'm starting to think, is it even possible that 100mg of Clomid made me O 1/2 times but 150 doesn't even allow me to have a "high" reading? That is just crazy insane and probably means my next stop is with an infertility specialist, as I'm sure my ob-gyn is as tired of these shenanigans as I am.

Monitor

2009-08-12T06:17:00.000-07:00

Okay I admit it. The monitor is driving me crazy. After having too many highs last time around here we are on day 10 with no high in sight and I'm starting to worry. Will I get a high? Will I get a peak? How can I get a peak if I don't get a high?

Oh Clear Blue Easy - how expensive and anxiety riddled you are.

Old Wives Tales

2009-08-10T19:01:00.000-07:00

In the past I've been pretty much blase about all the myths of things that help you get pregnant - I mean if it's not documented anywhere, can't it just be a coincidence? I prefer the charts and medicine and science way of doing things. Until this time ...

I feel like I am being pulled in a thousand different directions. Before I didn't want to do too many unusual things because they can get contradictory and useless, but now there's nothing I won't try almost. It's just an overwhelming feeling, that I don't want this cycle to be a failure because of something I *didn't* do, no matter how small.

Back in the land of the living...

2009-08-09T09:10:00.000-07:00

In total I hiked 11.8 miles! Go me! And the mother in law and I hiked 3.5 of that by ourselves, and we felt really proud of it. It was overall a good time and we both enjoyed it, but I am glad the overt hiking part has passed.

I took my monitor on the trip to set it for day 1 and then, I thought, to use a test strip on day 6. But it didn't want a strip on day 6 and I thought, great, now it thinks my cycles are so long maybe it will never want one again. But today, day 7, it did, and it was low. Not that I think I'll ever trust a high again. I want a PEAK, baby, not a high. We'll see.

How is 150 Clomid going? The good thing about where we were hiking is that it was coooold and I usually get so hot on Clomid. Now that we're back, ugh. Also, super emotional and weepy and such but no worse than on the 100.

Welcome back, CD1

2009-08-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

My period has shown itself, and today I will be hiking up a mountain, probably doing about six miles, on no drugs. Note to self, send husband for Aleve.

It begins again.

Hiking + Period = :-(

2009-07-31T08:07:00.001-07:00

This just in: Progesterone makes me have to pee, a lot. Also, it makes me randomly weepy and cranky. WHO KNEW? I am not looking to A) having my period and B) taking Clomid (now with even more side effects and three times the pill-taking fun!) while on a hiking trip next week with my husband AND my in-laws.

I am not a hiking girl. (I mean, I am not actively against it or anything, it's just not my number one fun activity.) I will only be going on day hikes and not the crazy multiple over night backpacking hiking extravaganza that my dear husband and father-in-law are going on. However, that means I will be left alone with my mother-in-law for three days. And the husband and I are not telling them we are trying - this is mostly me and not wanting to disclose to the in-laws that their sweet baby boy married a broken woman. I don't think I could take the hassle or the sympathy.

Anyway, like I said last time, no updates because nothing is happening. I'm on the same train, taking progesterone and then more bonus Clomid. I haven't tangled with taking my temperature or peeing on a stick for the monitor in AGES, but I bet you can't wait for the awesome updates when I do that again. I just finished the progesterone ... Tuesday, so I'm waiting for the period to drop any time ...

I know...

2009-07-19T15:15:00.000-07:00

I seriously cannot believe it's been 20 days since my last post. The whirlwind update is this, I got a hojillion highs from the monitor, and then a low, with no peak. The CD 21 test confirmed that I did not ovulate at all, and now my doctor wants me to go on 150 mg of Clomid.

My husband's theory is that 100 was probably borderline, and that's why it worked one time and didn't the next, just too close to what I needed. His optimism tells him that 150 will SURELY get us there. I continue to be disappointed.

Aaand to make it better, I can't even start the Provera until tomorrow even though I had my blood test last Thursday because the doctor's office refuses to call me back. So unlike a TWW, where it's over and you get your period, I will have to wait a week and a half to get my period even after all hope is gone and then start again. Whee.

Seriously?

2009-06-29T07:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Clear Blue Monitor,

HEY THERE! You and I, we've had some good times, haven't we? Remember last month, when you gave me a peak and I had my only documented ovulation ever in my life? The one I'd been waiting since December for? That was fun. Let's do it again. Like, RIGHT NOW. Seven days of high is just a mind fvck. I need the peak. I'm good for it. I promise! I will love you and kiss you and hang out with you every morning. I'm going on a trip next week, so let's not to be dragging this out. I thought you were supposed to know me better the second month? Prove it!

Much love,
Me

I'm so High!

2009-06-27T06:54:00.001-07:00

I couldn't resist the subject line. I *thought* that the Clearblue Monitor was supposed to give you several high readings the first month, but then calm itself down and do a better job the following month. Here it is on my second cycle with it and I'm still rocking the fifth high day. And I don't think it's the Clomid because it always says low when I'm still on the Clomid (and this month, even a day after) and then it's like, hi, hihihihihi HIGH!!!! Okay, chillax, monitor. I need to know about peak, you ever heard of it? Because my husband will jump me every single day the monitor says high, because it *might* be helpful.

My husband went from not wanting to know anything because it's too much pressure to have this conversation every morning.

Him: "What's your temperature"
Me: "It's X"
Him: "What does that MEAN? What do we want it to do?"
Me: "I don't know, I need to input it in the graph."
Him: "Well what was it yesterday?"
Me: "I don't remember, I just woke up like 30 seconds ago."
Him: "Go do your monitor and tell me what it says."
Me: *pees on stick*
Him: "What does it SAY?"
Me: You know these things take a few minutes.

I feel like he should be telling me to calm down, not the other way around. However, I'm super glad that he feels that invested in the process.

Hot!

2009-06-21T16:28:00.001-07:00

It is sooooo unbelievably hot here! Added to the Clomid, and I feel at any moment I could literally burst into flames.

The air conditioning was broken in our house. I discovered this when I thought I was having hot flashes or something, and checked the thermostat. It was set at 75. The actual temperature in the house? NINETY FIVE DEGREES. You know, only a twenty degree difference. Urgh. At least the maintenance people came out the next morning to fix it. It is now marginally tolerable to live in this place.

CD1

2009-06-15T10:41:00.000-07:00

So my period, it is officially here. I reset the monitor today and called my doctor for more Clomid (he thinks I can stay on the 100 for another few months). I have some feelings about this, but because I am actively on my period, they mostly center around blurrrrghhhh. So I'll let it be for now.

Probably Out

2009-06-12T11:49:00.001-07:00

I was counting on a temperature dive to tell me for sure, but today for sure I am spotting even if I was guessing at it those other days. Anything that is not for sure my period (a red flow) I count as spotting, and this is it. Plus I had a BFN this morning. I know it's still technically "early" but with the spotting plus BFN I do not have high hopes.

Progesterone Level

2009-06-09T10:24:00.002-07:00

Well my day 21 test came back today, and last time I had .7 but this time I had 14.1, which the nurse described as a decent number but the internet at large seems to think is fairly low. Don't know what to think. The nurse said she wasn't sure if the doctor would keep me at 100 or bump me up to 150, so she clearly thinks there isn't a chance of me being pregnant.

...

2009-06-08T13:05:00.001-07:00

I'm having to go the the bathroom a lot today, and this sort of intestinal distress has always been a sign for me that my period is on the way. However, it's only 7DPO, isn't that too early for signs of anything, be it pregnancy or aunt flo?

Temps Going Up

2009-06-08T11:51:00.001-07:00

So my temperature keeps going up, up, up, almost breaking the 98 degree barrier this morning. Someone once asked on a message board which was worse, waiting to ovulate or waiting to test. I had never been in a position where I was waiting to test, so it seemed like a harder question. Now I know: waiting to test is so much harder. Why? There's HOPE involved. When you're a long cycle/no cycle gal and you're waiting to ovulate it's soooo frustrating because you just can't get anything going. You can't think about testing for pregnancy because you're trying to kickstart your body into working in the first place. It's the pits, and it's a lot of waiting around, but you know that you aren't pregnant. When you're waiting to test, it just kills that this might might might be something, but you don't get to know it yet. A little bit of hope is a very dangerous thing.

Cross-hairs!

2009-06-05T03:48:00.001-07:00

97.43! Even at 5:00 a.m., more affectionately known as "balls o'clock" when we got up to leave town. I have real, non-dotted cross-hairs. Excitement abounds!

97.2

2009-06-04T06:58:00.000-07:00

If I get anything above a 97.2 tomorrow, then FF will be nice to me and grant me crosshairs for Day 15. Day FIFTEEN? Who would have thought that was humanly possible for me? It almost sounds like a textbook. If it's true and the monitor didn't lie and I actually ovulated, I had enough sex for a month almost in a few days.

However, I have been worried about my temps being high enough because my husband has gotten hot at night. What? It's Alabama in the summer where we are right now - super hot. But with just a sheet, basically, and a little blanket, and the fan going at full blast, I keep waking up cold. Which makes me sleep a little less well and cold for temping in the morning. I try to do just the blanket on my side, but that doesn't work so well and sometimes I get too hot as well. So we'll see. I know it doesn't have that much of an impact, but I am prone to worry about silly things sometimes.

Houston, we have a Peak

2009-06-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

So I am having a peak today! How exciting! It's almost like I've never ovulated before and this is the first glimmer of my body actually doing what it is supposed to do. How shocking. I am a little confused because my temps already seem on the rise which tends to make me think O has already occurred, but the peak seems to say that O will occur very shortly. I guess I will just have to wait a a couple of days and see. Oh and jump my husband every chance I get. :-)

Shenanigans, Part II

2009-05-29T06:45:00.000-07:00

So it's day 11 and I still have a high reading on my monitor. I sort of glossed over last time that the first two days of high on 9 and 10 were probably just the Clomid. Most advice I see says don't use an OPK with Clomid until at least 3-4 days of it being out of your system. So now that I have sustained highs on 10 and 11 (after finishing the Clomid 3-7), I'm feeling better about this whole "high" enterprise, like it might actually do me some good. I'll probably fall down if I ever get a peak reading, which according to rumors should still be reliable even if the high reading is not.

I had an emergency business trip come up and so I've been out of town since yesterday morning super early and will be going home tomorrow afternoon. Let's hope this hasn't damaged our chances in any way.

Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor Shenanigans

2009-05-26T07:24:00.001-07:00

I do like the monitor. It was expensive, but something about sliding that stick in and getting a digital reading every day, even if it's low, is comforting to my mind. The OPKs were just guessing games completely.

And I don't know if it's just five days of Clomid at double dose in my system, but today, CD8 I got a high reading. The monitor people say you can have as many as five high days before you peak on your first cycle, but I would be glad to peak at all. Anything that goes over that first bar is getting treated to some sexy times at our house. I'm just so happy that the monitor thinks it's possible for me to ovulate. Silly monitor!

2009-05-22T06:27:00.001-07:00

Apparently they don't "make" Clomid in anything bigger than 50mg, so when you take 100mg you just take two pills. That part does not excite me. So, I'm on the Clomid, and I took it last night before bed (about two hours before bed, I didn't get to sleep right away in a way that has nothing to do with the Clomid). Much better than taking it at dinner is all I can say.

Also I made my husband go in for an "analysis" because it's so easy and we both wanted to know just how many uphill battles we are fighting at this point. He is completely normal, the nurse tells us (also I asked her about my pap, yes, I had that in February but no one ever called me so I assumed it was fine but then freaked out because no one EVER calls us with information from there, ever, and I had an abnormal one a year ago and blah, blah, blah). Anyway, that was normal too! Yay we're all normal, except....I don't ovulate. Well hopefully with Clomid I will.

I barely want to admit this to the Internet at large, but I feel like you guys should know. I am 1000% relieved that there is nothing wrong with my husband. It will make getting pregnant a lot easier in the long run and he doesn't need security issues, especially right now. However, he will never truly know how I feel, and it is all my fault for being the broken one, you know? I had a tiny hope that maybe he would share some of this burden from the inside as opposed to the outside. Isn't that a horrible thought? I'll put it away now.

CD1

2009-05-19T15:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I haven't been posting. Probably the same reason I've been MIA from the boards, even lurking all that much. Nothing was happening! I was just waaaaiting for progesterone to kick in and do its thing. So instead of today being CD 64 it was, happily, CD1. I am so freaking glad too - even for Aunt Flo to rear her head at 6 p.m. Why?

I had 5 days of spotting before a real period. 5 days of dark gunk without a red drop in sight, just teasing and tormenting me until I was like come ON ALREADY! Seriously. Nothing like waiting on your period, am I right no cycle/long cycle girls? It's frustrating.

Also I finally caved in and bought a clearblue monitor. The sticks were driving me crazy not ever being able to tell, so this will reliably and digitially tell me every day that I'm not ovulating! That should make things more fun. However, with the rallying call of day 1 I am glad to be back in the game, to start taking my temperature, my medication, and my chances, and see what comes my way.

Attacked by Evil Ovaries

Two little BOYS!

Clean Bill of Health

Beta #3

Beta #2

Beta #1

IVF #2

Starting Over

It's over again.

Heartbeat! But Small Sac

Out of beta hell?

Beta Hell

No real confidence yet, but something

I am not crazy!

Am I Crazy?

Embryo Report

5 Alive!

Egg Retrieval

Monitoring Blues

Stimulation

Lupron Attacks

IVF!

Scheduling

Oh RE

444

Big Guns

June 27th

Cysts

No

Trigger is Out!

2WW

Something's Happening!

Surgery

Surgery

Confirmed

Major Spotting

BFN

Nobody get too excited...

Group B Strep

Ring

IUI #3

Back on Plan

Hamsters can get KTFU, but not me

Surgery? IVF? I don't know.

Rest, but no Relaxation.

Resting

Negative

Down and Almost Out

Suspense

High Progesterone

Waiting!

Confirmed Again

Spotting

The Neverending Waiting Game

Major Updates

More shots

Conspiracy

Back on Track

Confirmed

I must retract the surprise, am now in sad mode

Blood test

Obsessing

Surprise!

On Track

Glucophage

Fluttering

Trigger!

No Trigger Yet!

Stimulating

HSG

First *Self* Injection

First Injection

The Next Step

Doctor's Office Frustration

Feeling Better!

Ramblings...

Ultrasound

Calling in the Professionals

Please tell me I'm deranged...(TMI)

Still Low

First Self Injection